What should I feel about my boyfriend depending on visual aides during sex?

I know this isn't a "Marriage & Divorce" question, but all the people answering in "Dating" are 13 years old.

We have been together 2 years and will be getting engaged soon. Our sex life is good, not amazing, but it satisfies us enough. However, he usually needs something in front of him, and sometimes I'm just not enough. He thinks the problem was staying a virgin until he was 25, and having to depend on porn throughout his adolescence. He says it really bothers him, and wants to work on making himself less dependent on visual aids. But, until he figures out a way to be less dependent on it, it makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I try to be understanding, but it's hard sometimes. Is this just my being insecure, or is this issue something that might turn into problems if I am just patient and let these feelings fester? Is there a way to "cure" yourself of needing visual stimulation as well as everything else? Is there anything I can do besides tell him how it makes me feel?

That is really tough and i can imagine how that would make you feel. I think you should ask him what is it about the pictures / movies that turn him on. Some men do like visual aids but I would suggest having sex in front of a mirror, that way he is looking at you and he has his visual aid. As for the no sex in adolescence that is just a gimmick. He feels bad for having use a visual aid hence the excuse. There is another thing that you can do is wear vanilla scented oil, you can obtain this from the body shop. Vanilla has a component in it which sends guys nuts in a sexual way, maybe this would help.

I wouldn't allow the feelings to fester this is no good for your health, as he seems to be open to talking about the issue this is half your battle, approach it tell him how it makes you feel. You may also want to re search what it means to have a disassociation problem you might be surprised as to what you find this may also help.

In order to have good sex you need not to be stressed if you are you wont find this enjoyable the other thing is that you need to do some work before just having sex there is a build up that some guys require to make them feel like having it, eg giving a massage, and other stuff which I'm not about to write on here. But really you need to make a decision if this is going to be constant thing you are going to have no self worth left because of how you said it makes you feel, (I believe most women would feel the same way me included) and this is no way to spend your life feeling like that, and he should be attracted to you I feel that he is only considering himself while in the act making sure that he is all good, this is why he needs visual aids.

Sex is a duel way street and you need that strong connection if he was into pleasing you this would make you also want to please him and then it would go from being just ok to great

Good luck with this one hun.

you have to get him really going one night like light some candles and stuff and get some sexy lingere and **** that should cure it lol

What are you amish you got to spice it up!!!!! do something he's seen in a magazine. You have the power put it to use it girl USE YOUR POWER AS A WOMEN!!!!!

Get him cured before you marry him. If you don't, he will bring this into the bedroom and you will become less and less.

Pornography is an addiction and very difficult to break. It will come a time where YOU will not measure up to those images in his mind. Then the frustration will begin.

dont marry yhis guy!!! if the sex isnt awsome now , in 5 years youll be crying to your friends at applebees over drinks....

Hang a mirror in your bedroom in a position that is just right for visual stimulation... if you know what I mean... that way his visual stimulation is all you :)

This could be due to him watching too much visual aides and masturbate till he was 25. If a man masturbate too much based on something, he will have difficult to be stimulated when come to normal sex. I think he just need sometime to get use of not depending on visual aides.

your boy friend has a problem and need help. He is addicted to porn the same what the people can be addicted to alcohol and drugs. Next you should probably hold off on having sex until he fixes this problem or you will just be enableing him to continue. Or at least make him stop using it with you. If he loves you, you should be able to turn him on enough to complete the sex act. You want to try spicing things up, try role playing or costumes or reading the dirty parts of romance novels out loud to each other. If that doesn't do it then there truly is a deeper rooted issue that needs to be resolved.

and P.S it has nothing to do with being a virgin for 25 years. My husband and I were both virgins when we got married at 27 and neither one of us have any issues of needed additonal visual aides than each other to get in the mood.

figure out what he sees in those chicks like what turns him on about them...then you copy them and after awhile he will stop need the mag cause your doing it all for him...not sure if it will work just an idea though

Bring a toy the next time you have sex with him. Let him use it on you after you've played with it to show him how you like it. Do some oral on him. Get him really worked up over YOU so he won't need anything else.
Good luck!

He needs to somehow equate sex with love. I think that must be hard for some men (and women, too) to do. It may be a warning sign for sex/porn addiction. There's no point in being with someone who makes you feel like you're not enough, especially if the sex isn't amazing.

This is a serious problem. The only time I've heard of it before is when the guy was cheating and needed to keep his mind off what he was doing.

The other thing it could mean is a problem with intimacy. If he loves you, he should love making love to you. That should be enough (most of the time) to keep him excited.

I think you're going to need some kind of education or counseling to get past this.

It appears he's addicted to porn. Sorry, but he needs counseling to help him overcome this problem. You cannot cure him.

you are not insecure. you are a normal woman. how about you be the visual stimulation? get a cheerleading outfit, nurse outfit, schoolgirl outfit....whatever you and him like. take some time to get all sexy sometimes, fake eyelashes.....look like a pornstar. get a brazillan wax if you are brave enough, it's not that bad and well worth it, costs about 50$. get carmen electra's strip tease dvd's and learn some super sexy tricks and get in great shape at the same time. try talking a little dirtier. if you want to tell him you want to go to a nice bar or nightclub but you want him to go in 30 mins before you and have a drink or 2 to loosen up a little. go in later and pretend like you have never met him and you are a tramp that wants to get in his pants. show a lotta cleavage while you play pool, grab his package when nobody's looking. if all else fails, learn to like porn, there's a million out there, all girls, not too freaky, super freaky...everything. then you can enjoy it with him. if the idea dosen't scare you, during sex bring up some crazy scenario....like "if we were at the strip club and there was a girl i really liked, could we take her home? what would you want me to do to her, what would you want her to do to me, tell me everything." don't freak out and say "heck no i wouldnt lick her butt!" just go with it......it dosen't mean it will happen. Good luck!

YOU can't cure a porn addict anymore than you could cure a heroine addict. Plenty of addicts SAYS they want to stop because they know the people they're saying it to want to hear it. More often than not, it doesn't mean a thing.

If his addiction is getting to you after 2 years, the problem isn't going to get better, or go away. It won't be long before you realize you might as well be a pot roast with a hole cut in the middle. The man isn't having sex with you. The man isn't making love to you. He's simply masturbating to porn and you're playing "the hand".

Often, when I see people in bad relationships, I wonder why they got together when they saw the problems coming early on. Without a doubt, you're going to get sick of this behavior. You sound like it's already happening.

You need to read up on porn addiction. You'll find that it often gets worse as time goes by. The addict ends up needing more and more unusual, and or kinky kicks in order to get off. They also tend to become more dissatisfied, and bored with their partners over time. Are you looking forward to 'open' marriage?

It seems like you're getting yourself into a potentially bad relationship. You really should consider if you may not be better off trying to make a life with someone else. At the least, postpone marriage until he actively seeks counseling, and proves to you that it's actually working. Dressing up, acting out, and all the other stuff people are suggesting might hold him off for a little while, but (if it works at all) it's only masking the real problem. He needs professional counseling.

Of course, as with any addict/addiction, there's always the chance that it will resurface sometime in the future.

Is it REALLY worth it????

I don't buy his excuse. I think he is addictive to porn. You need to tell him that if he wants porn he can watch it by himself and j3rkoff. if he wants sex with you. then it's just gonna be you and him.

you are a better woman than i am, i would not put up with that for a second. when someone loves you they put you before themselves, like you are doing for him, he is not doing that for you, he needs to go to sex addiction therapy. that's what it is he is addicted. he needs professional help, you can't do it, do not fool yourself and do not let him fool you.

He's addicted to the porn images.

Seek counseling and get rid of the images, bc it's just feeding the monster. You wouldn't give booze to an alcoholic, right?

It's not going to go away without sound strategies.

I would say he's developed a fetish (something that is needed for sexual arousal) for porn. If he doesn't have it, it doesn't get hard or he loses it, right? He should seek a sex therapist to help him give up the porn for the REAL WOMAN in front of him. Have you tried sexy outfits, unusual places, times, a spontaneous bj in the car? Meeting him for lunch, and then surprising him by parking somewhere and making out like teenagers? Any of these "tricks" might just do the trick. btw don't do it once and then NEVER again. That real bites when women do that.

well, the thing of it is is that men are naturally visually stimulated. that is just the way that they are wired. however, he shouldn't need it when he has you. that's where the life-long porn thing comes in. at least he is willing to try to change it. stick in there and try some different things to help him out.

girlfriend pull out the stops! do what you wouldn't normally do. bring out the chains and whips. make the porn mags & videos look boring!he will get so thrilled.
just rock his world babe!