An Irishman named O'Malley went to his doctor after a long illness.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked O'Malley in the eye, and said, "I've some bad news for you.
You have cancer, and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month to live."
O'Malley was shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character. He managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There, he saw his son who had been waiting. O'Malley said, "Well son, we Irish
celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer, and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."
After three or four pints, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of O'Malley's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating. O'Malley told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told
his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS."
The friends gave O'Malley their condolences, and they had a couple more beers.
After his friends left, O'Malley's son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Dad. I though you said that you were dying from cancer??? You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
O'Malley said, "I am dying of cancer, son. I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone." Very funny Cool
Here's another
Murphy has three daughters? It's friday night and there's a knock at the door.?
So Murphy answers the door.
A lad standing there asks " Hi I'm Joe, I'm calling for Flo to take her to a show, do you think it's a go?"
"I'll go and ask "says murphy
Hey Flo, there's a lad called Joe to take you to the show, is it a go"
Flo replies"Tell Joe it is a go I'd love to go to the show"
Murphy turns to Joe "O.k joe , I've spoken to flo and it is a go cos she'd love to go to the show"
So off they go
Ten minutes later there's another lad,
"Hi i'm Lance, calling for Nance to take her to the dance, Do you think there's a chance?"
Murphy shouts" Hey Nance theres a lad called Lance to take you to the dance, is there a chance"
"Tell Lance there is a chance and I'd love to go to the dance"
Murphy says" Ok lance i've spoken to Nance and there is a chance, she would love to go to the dance"
So off they go
10 minutes later theres a knock at the door so again Murphy answers
A lad standing there says "Hi I'm Tucker"
"P!SS OFF" says murphy im irish but i love that we can be a source of entertainment for so many!!! :) i think that o'malley guy is pretty clever tho, who wouldn't do that if they thought of it??? :) I don't know Irish jokes but this one is ok lol!! that was dead Gd! :D i'm half irish.. Love Irish jokes...Hope you like this one....
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finished all three, he comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender says to him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we all drank together."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way: he orders three pints and drinks the three pints by taking drinks from each of them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars in the bar notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a lights dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "Everyone is fine. It's me..."
"...I've quit drinking!"
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