Help with my Depression?

God. How I hate telling people my age. They don't take you seriously in your teens. I hate being a teenager. It sucks. I try to appreciate my youth, but I just can't. I am 14 and I am empty on the inside. I feel alone. I just want to be held onto. I try to fill this black pit in side of me with sex and drugs. This girl is cheating on her boyfriend with me. She is much older. Geeze, I feel like ****. I am filth and dirt. I also have these feelings for this girl named Whitney. She is my age. She is smart and just amazing. I love her. I hate how other teens toss that word around. I would give my soul for her. I sometimes think that it doesn't matter how smart she is. Because I feel her brain can't even fathom how strong the feelings I have for her are. She turned me down hard a year ago and I lost an old piece of myself. I get in fights with my family now over stupid things and try to forget things. But I can't. I feel so empty. Everything is gonna end someday and I want to be happy but I can't. I am addicted to sex. God I love it for the hour it lasts. But then I feel like trash. It is a band aid for my feelings. I like being held onto and told things are gonna be okay. Whatever gets my mind of Whitney. I have depression. Runs in the family. And I think I mixed it with the wrong events in my life. I feel an actual physical ache with in me. I just need to be held. But no one understands that. What is it that I want? And why do jocks have to be what they are. They step on the things I make and beat the **** out of me. I used to fight back. But their isn't a point anymore. Sometimes I just want to go away.

I don't want a doctor or pills. Those both went wrong for me.

try not having sex for a while, (it is illegal anyway at 14,) you need to allow your feelings to surface so you can deal with them.

you need help for drugs if you are taking them regularly or feel like you need them to keep yourself normal.
http://www.talktofrank.com/
this is the best i can do personally but there are other people out there.

try to join clubs that whitney is in, it may help you to get a feeling for what she likes, if you really take an intrest in her and what she has to say then you might have a chance with her, but crushes come and go, you need to remember that.

"jocks" are often ars3holes and will pick on anybody, ignore or avoid them as mucth as possable, other than that i suggest you talk to someone at your school about it.

talk to yor family, i know it can be hard but i found it helped to stop many of the arguments.

i found that some of these helped:

1. many people find comfort in religion, it doesn't have to be one of the main organised religions, there are thousands out there choose, just find one you agree with.

2. music or art, listening to/looking at art or music can be relaxing but try making your own, it can help you to relax and helps to release emotion from within.

3. find something to make life Worth living, join a sport team or club, volunteer, or even take a class in something you enjoy.

4. talk to your friends and family, it may be hard but talking often helps.

5. try to exercise more, you don't have to join a gym, just try parking your car further from the destination and walking, walk through the local park or public area, exercise helps.

6. take a holiday, you don't need to go anywhere special, just go out one school holiday and explore your local area, you will be amazed at what you have on your doorstep and never knew about.

7. every day write a diary of only positive things look hard enough and you will always find something, review this diary every month and whenever you feel down

8. join a dance class, this will give you socialisation, exercise and will give you something to do.

9. be shure to eat a balanced diet, chocolate and fast food can be good occasionally but i found that once life became hard i started eating only junk food because i couldent be bothered to cook.

10. try to sleep well, get up and go to bed at the same time every day, try to relax for an hour before you go to bed, have a bath, have a hot coco drink (with real milk), and listen to slow music.

11. remember it is OK to cry, it can help you feel better.

12. http://www.samaritans.org/ it helps to talk, there are other groups or you may have facilitys at your school, but i use these.

if you need more, or just want to talk, you are welcome to email me through my pofile

You should find another outlet, before it gets too serious.
Maybe music, drawing, writing. Anything.
Talk to someone you can trust with anything.

I'm 14, too, and I have depression and schizophrenia run in my family, so I know how you feel. I get panic attacks and anxiety.

I know you don't know me, but it's good to talk to people you don't know, sometimes it is easier. So, if you want, you can email me at x_antidisastablishmentarianism_x@yahoo.c...

Good luck!

i feel reealllly bad for you and im sorry for the situation that your in
this situation. God loves you and you just need to trust and believe that he is there listening when you pray. yeah, its weird at first cuz you feel like your talkingg to no one but you soon realize the love and patients God has for us. I hope i helped!! :)