Why do So Many Men Refuse to Pay Child Support Pt.3?

Non payment is not a form of neglect. It's all about money, just b/c a man pays child support doesn't mean he will be involved in the child's life. Society says how the presence of a father in a child's life is a great impact on how the child grows, however they seem to feel that paying every month is somehow helping?? Why don't we enforce VISITATION. The guy said it right earlier, fathers need to be there emotionally and physically. When you pay child support, visitation rights is a seperate entity. If we enforce that men should be around their children with visitation instead of child support then maybe we wouldn't have so many men running away from the system!
As stated earlier, non payment of child support is not a form of neglect, especially when the child has all types of welfare! Do you realize how many women receive Medicaid, Food Stamps, Housing vouchers, TANF, Child Care and other benefits, just for being a single mother??? You have no idea! So where exactly is the neglect? If the child lives with the his/her mother she probably works and pays the cost of living. SO what else could the child possibly need if they have food and shelter? (off of welfare) Clothes, shoes, little condiments here there, school supplies perhaps and love. Biological father should help for that. However, for the mother's cost of living, the father of child should NOT have to be forced to pay for. The mother of the child SHOULD work, and not wait for the child support check to come in every month to help pay for her living expenses! This is not alimony. I am specifically speaking of women that are on welfare and unwed mothers and fathers. As I stated before, there are MANY forms of birth control! Yaz, Yazmin, Ortho Evra, Depo, The No Period Pill, Loestrin Fe, The Chewable Pill, IUD, you name it they have it! This is 2007, what makes sense for woman over the age of 18 , to not be taking any birth control? Men too! You need to be wearing condoms, most definitely! But they haven't came out with a line of birth control for men yet, so I'm speaking to the women! We are always blaming the men, women too need to be using their birth control! It's getting ridiculous! This is 2007, not the 1960s before birth control! There are many cases, where women meet a man and there is an assumption that they will always be together and then when the woman gets pregnant the father spilts. Unfortunately, this is an unmarried couple and if he is going to be that type of person then you don't need him anyway. There is a reason for why people wait until they get married to have sex or have children. I am for child support, but the state is going about it the wrong way. When a woman gets pregnant and the father of her child is not around she has options. She either has an abortion, an adoption, or she chooses parenting. This is her choice, and if she chooses parenting she will get as much information she can about all the public aid she can get. She is told from the time she finds out she is pregnant to get WIC, and Medicaid, and all other sorts of public aid. However, what do we tell the man? We just tell him to pay child support, and if he doesn't, he'll go to jail! And in a moment, his life is forever changed. I think we need to start helping our men, and stop just telling a man to keep his pants zipped, when we should ALSO be saying to our women to keep their legs closed. If it goes both ways, then why are we always blaming the men?? Like I said earlier, I've heard of rapists going to jail, but men that don't pay child support? Now, that's just ridiculous.
The Solution? There should be a government funded proram where the aid is used to pay for child support. It shouldn't be too much but it should calculate a percentage of needs that the child itself will need monthly, such as clothes, or shoes, school supplies, and other things children need. Everybody knows that some of these government funded programs are unecessary, some of them should be cut back to pay for support of the children. We as american citizens are already paying for everybody elses' children in our taxes. Now for the fathers of the child, every assumed father should be ordered to take paternity for each alleged child. There is a large percentage of men that pay child support and aren't the father of the child. After paternity is established, the father should be given some sort of visitation arrangment between the father and the child to see each other often. To establish a connection, and provide love and care for growth. However, it sound ludicrous to say it is a felony for a man to not pay child support, and send him to jail. What if otherwise, he is a good man? He has another family? Is he really selfish? Or is he just trying to survive without the threat of going to jail for non payment of child support!!?!?

WoW could not of said it any better. Statistics show that men who are allowed visitation especially those who are allowed to have a RELATIONSHIP with their children are prone to diligently pay child support +++ plus give many extras.

I agree that the mothers who demand their children withhold affection for their fathers have more problems, less money, abuse the government, and always YELLING poor little me.

Crap-O-Rama!

I am so glad somebody said this.

I went through a divorce a year ago and lost everything. The house, the car, the furniture. EVERYTHING. AND she took my beloved daughter. I spent alot of time trying to rebuild my life (because rebuilding after a divorce costs a lot of money.) And the fact is, with all these new bills and expenses, paying court ordered child support was breaking me down.

Look, I understand I have financial responsibilities as a father, and am more than willing to provide them, but sometimes life (and ex-wives) make it extremely difficult to provide that. I've spent every moment that visitation would allow me with my daughter, because to me, 'being there' is the most important part of parenthood, not monetary compensation. And when I had to choose between paying my electricity bill and paying child support, now I have to face threats of jail? It's absolutely ludicrous.

I personally agree with the Asker. It's stupid for good fathers who try their best to go to jail for non-payment of child support.

This has been a heated topic with me and what ended up being a broken engagement. I divorced in 1997. Child support was set up 100.00 to 300.00 per month for 2 kids and was to go directly into their savings accounts. To date my ex has not paid 1 red cent, and I've not taken him back to court either. I earn a very good living, support my daughter, oldest is over 18 and married, and still my ex does not make a move to see either girl. The door has been open all these years and I have taken them to him when he could not get to where we live. Even living out of state I would pay to get them to him on vacations. So you tell me? I do think that support is too often set at a rate that makes it impossible for that parent to live, much less move on with life and they do "hide" "run away" and thus they do not see their children. It is a lose lose situation for everyone involved, mostly the children. My ex has no excuse, he makes an above avg. living, did re-marry, had a child and divorced all with in 2 years. She got 800.00 per month alimony plus 900.00 per month for 1 child. Come ON!! She is college educated, tho she doesn't seem to have the attention span of a nat, she does have her realistate lic. went to bar tending school, and what ever else too keep from getting off her butt and going to work, it ticks me off, alimony for less than 1 year of marrige? Our court systems are all out of wack. And yes there are dead beat parents out there, not to be forgotten. Mine is, and I feel that way because of the neglect of our daughters. I work and work hard, and I take care of my child. I want her to know that she can make it too, And that Mom didn't take Dad for a ride, he will NEVER be able to take that road with me.

My only comment on this part of your venting is that you said why not have a goverment funded program? They did have one. It was called AFDC. However, the program changed because, and this is what I think, most women were sitting on their butts collecting, when they could have been working. The government changes funding in hopes that someday something they try will work. The program they have now is MFIP I'm sure you know. But we should not have to set up yet another funding program along with all the others that are out there. People who rely on the government to take care of their children need to get off their dead asses and get jobs. For those who cannot get jobs need to either go back to school for an education or start volunteering, or hell, stop having children. Also, why should the government have to have the funding program in place to pay a fathers child support? How is that right? It is the father or mother that needs to pay, not the government.