Can you help me make my college letter better?

this is a letter requesting information from a college...


Name of Director of Admissions,
I am currently investigating colleges and universities and ________________ caught my attention. I am particularly attracted to _____________ because of the classes and activities that are offered, as well as the beautiful campus. I am interested in majoring in dentistry, physical therapy, or optometry.

It would be helpful if you could mail me a complete course offering catalogue and information on any classes that are available for dentistry, physical therapy, and optometry. Additionally, I will need information about on campus housing for freshmen.

It would also be beneficial if you would send me information on scholarships, financial aid, and your school鈥檚 work study program.

I am also interested in sports and clubs that ___________ has to offer. I am very involved at my school. I am currently in [club names], so it is important to me that there are clubs available at your school. I also do the sports [sports names], and [sport name] outside of school. It is equally important to me that there is a band at __________because I play [instruments].

Sincerely,

___________

I would like to amplify what Nate24 said. The Director of Admissions is delighted to send a catalog to anyone who expresses even the slightest interest. It doesn't matter at this point what you planning to major in, what clubs you would like to join, what a great student you would be, etc. All that stuff becomes relevant much alter in the process. All you need to do is ask for the catalog and give your address.

You use the word "also" a bit excessively.

If anything, I would suggest just writing an e-mail and making it as short and concise as possible because your letter take stoo long to get to its point.