What would you do in my situation?

My mother's bf of 4 years is a liar. After 2 years into the relationship my mother found out that he lied about being married (she's apparently got Guilliam Barre's syndrome but can walk still after 20 years), his name, his age and his background. He won't prove anything he talks about now to me because he feels he doesn't have to. That's fine with me, but my mother wants my 21 month old daughter to come and visit on the weekends sometimes when he's there. My husband and myself both said no because we can't trust him. He says that if we dig for information on him or call a private investigator that he'll do 'some dialing of his own". Meaning the children's aid. My daughter is well dressed and well cared for and I'm a stay at home mother. My house is clean and I really don't think that they'd do much other than 'investigate' and case closed. My mother threatens me with this all the time when I say no. What would you do with a nut-job mother, in my case?

I wouldn't let my child have unsupervised visits over there. I think that your mom threatening to call children's aid on you for not letting her visit is despicable. I would tell your mom that she is welcome to come visit your daughter in your home, but that you don't trust her boyfriend and that he is not welcome and as long as he is in her life, your daughter will not be visiting her home unless you are with her. I wouldn't threaten to do any digging for information on the boyfriend. I would just tell your mom that as long as he is in the picture that there won't be any visits, and if she follows through on her threat to call cps, then tell her she will never be allowed to visit whether you are there or not.

It's to bad that your mother is ruining her relationship with her grand daughter to appease this jerk. If I were you I'd run a background check on him and if anything is discovered then show it to your mom, if it turns out that he's basically harmless then just drop it and never let her or him find out that you did it. I hope everything works out for all of you.

Yes, you are in the right, your child's safty and wellbeing come first. As for mom, maybe you need to re-evaluate you relationship with her. If she is willing to put her bf before you and her grandchild, it shows what she cares about more. I had to disengage from my family for a time, but they figured out I was serious and followed what I asked.

sorry for your situation...

its good that you are looking out for your daughters interest like that... i say, stick to your guns and tell her to go ahead and do he own dialing... its like you said, as long as everything is in order in your home, they will just come and look around and case closed... you would have nothing to worry about if she were to call cps.

Tell your mother she can come and visit you but you will not visit her when her BF is there.
Don't let his bullying scare you. Let him call anyone he wants. Then you can take him to Small Claims Court and file a claim against him for harrassment.

I would tell your mother to shove off. First of all children and youth would only investigate if they had a serious complaint or more then one complaint. If your mother and her b.f are going to threaten you with such crap I would tell them both to get lost. I think that if y our mother cared about you or her grandchild she would make the 'sacrifice' of getting rid of her boyfriend for a weekend to see them. And I don't blame you one bit for not wanting your kid at her house when he is there. And if she was any kind of mother she wouldn't threaten you.I think you are better off just cutting ties or at least limiting visitation. She sound wacky and doesn't seem to be a very good influence. Good luck

I applaude you for looking out for your daughter. I would not let my child go over to the house alone while that man is there. If he is lying about little things what else is he hiding? I know it will be hard but explain to your mom and stick tight to your guns. And what does that say about your mom staying with a man like that? Sometimes you just have to tell the ones you love NO. And if you are a good parent, let him dial the numbers all he wants. i'd put alittle distance between yourself and your mom and her bf but remember to choose your battles

Stand your ground and call their bluff. So what if they call CPS - as you've said, it will go nowhere as there is no case.
I wouldn't even bother investigating her boyfriend - your mother is a grown woman, and if she wants to be delusional, thats her business. But your daughter's well being is your business, and I agree with you, I wouldn't let her stay there. Doesn't sound safe. Personally if it were me, if your mother kept threatening you with that, I would tell her that you are cutting off contact with her until she can respect your wishes as a mother. Do what you need to do to protect your child.

GOod luck!

You can probably investigate some things on your own without his knowing about it. This is a scary situation! And I really feel sorry for the wife; she's probably pretty helpless. Anyway, you're right not to let your daughter visit when the BF is there; I wouldn't do it either. If he lies about all of this, then how could trust him in any kind of way? Maybe you could be pro-active about the threat to call child services on you, and call them first on your behalf; see if you can get some reassurance from them. Honestly, they have so many calls and so many kids in very dire need of removal from their homes (and alot who need to be removed but don't), that it's highly unlikely they'll even follow through with more than a quick visit by someone. But I know as a mother you worry about what people might think sometimes even though you know your child is getting great care; I always worried the pediatrician would call us about the bruises on my kids' legs, but this is so common with toddlers, that I didn't have to worry; the professionals can usually tell the difference between an active child and one who's abused.

Anyway, in the end you can only do so much on your own about your mother's situation. If you know some things you can share the info and evidence you have, but beyond that she has to ultimately make her own choice about whether to pursue the matter and drop the BF. But definitely keep the baby away!