What to do when your husband cheats with your friend?

What to do when your husband cheats with your friend?
Ok, I recently had my husband confess to me that he had sex with a good friend of mine. Now its kind of complicated because we were all wasted one night at a club. It had been planned that she would sleep at my cousins house after a long night of clubbing. Now I walked straight in and plopped myself onto the couch while they apparently slept in the guest bedroom. I was so dead I didn't realize till the next morning. I thought nothing of it. Why would I assume my friend is going to seduce my husband? Well 7 months have passed and 2 weeks ago I got a confession from my husband. We have been married a year but together for almost 6 years. Now the only reason he told me was because my friends somehow got a hold of the information. Apparently people were talking about it and I guess he felt threatened. He blames my friends for instigating the situation,so it feels he is more upset I found out then he is sorry that he did it. We recently moved away and just moved into a beautiful home. We were so happy and honestly this has changed everything. Everyone gets drunk but that is no excuse and unless he raped her they both knew what they were doing??? I am hurt for so many reasons. I know the right thing to do is leave or atleast take a break. My life is here and I have nothing if i go. But I have family and i know I can make it. As of right now after all the fighting and arguing Im not satisfied with the outcome of this. I feel like we are putting a band aid on it. He says if I leave I am running away and sabotaging the relationship. I love him but im not ready to forgive. I understand it was one time not an affair but is their a difference? What do I do?

Grow up and realize that all of you are to blame. You, your hubby and the so called friend. Why? You---I would never trust ANY woman around my and especially when we all have been drinking. Your hubby,
like you said, he should never gotten so drunk that he falls asleep with any women, other than you beside him. Her---because she planned it...LISTEN TO HIM...she is no friend, as you thought, she may even be jealous of your relationship with him...does she stay 'in-between' men, can't keep a relationship for long and you can...so she decides to take your man....if only for one night, she felt what it was like to be yyou...to have what you have. You don't have to think highly of yourself for DOGS TO WANT WHAT YOU HAVE. I REPEAT, SHE PLANNED THIS...AND ALSO PLANNED TO USE 'DRUNKEDNESS' AS AN EXCUSE...NO SHE DID NOT PLAN EACH DETAIL...SHE JUST PLANNED TO GET WITH HIM....FIRST CHANCE SHE COULD GET. DUMP HER AS A FRIEND....NEVER INVITE HER BACK INTO YOUR LLIFE.

AS FOR HUBBY, KEEP HIM...EACH PERSON IS ALLOWED ONE 'DEAL BREAKER' NUMBER TWO GETS HIM THE BOOT. GO AHEAD AND LOVE YOUR MAN...IN A LOT OF WAYS, YOU KNOW what I am saying is true...you love him and things otherwise is well with you two. Don't let her ruin your marriage with one romp with hubby. MAKE HER MORE JEALOUS AND KEEP HIS STUFF IN YOUR BED. DARE HIM TO BE ALONE WITH ANYOTHER WOMAN, EVER AGAIN. IT DOES NOT MAKE HIM BLAMELESS, HE IS JUST STUPID LIKE A LOT OF GUYS,---THEY CANNOT SEE THE CONNIVING WAYS OF WOMEN COMING STRAIGHT AT THEM...Believe me, she has innocently flirted with him in the past--perhaps even in front of you in a joking way. Don't play these games with your female friends. Good luck with forgiveness and not looking backwards, so you can have a future.

In my books whether its one off sex or an affair its cheating and its wrong.If you cant forgive him your marriage is over.Divorce him and move on.If you love him and feel you want to save your marriage you have to be prepared to forgive him and give up your feelings about this..if you cant then well...Its up to you.

I hope that you don't talk as much as you write. Beat him first then come back to Y/A and ask questions. We are waiting for you. You will come back fresh, relax feeling that you are a woman with a great sense of accomplishment.

Besides what other people are telling you, you should also learn how to drink with moderation. If you were "completely wasted" that's why you did not sleep with him

This man is so honest and not the least bit manipulative.
Are you sure she was the first and will be the last?
Drink less and find better friends.

Oh hun, PLEASE walk away from both of them. You deserve better than a cheater that will just do it again & a friend who thinks so little of you.

Divorce the husband and dump the so called friend that's what to do.

With friends like her who needs enemies.

Divorce him.

Fix whatever is wrong with you that attracted you to him in the first place.

Get some new friends.

Kick his *** to the curb. ( Your so called friend, IS NOT YOUR FRIEND).

you said it yourself... you're not ready to forgive... stay away for awhile and figure out what your heart tells you...

time apart will help you sort things out better...

I didn't even read this whole thing...did he cheat or not...forgive him or not then move on........

the whole thing reeks of immaturity - from everybody getting wasted to him having sex with your friend. it is also pathetic insecurtiy for your husband to try to blame YOU for HIS behavior - he did not care about the consequences when he slept with your friend - and now he blames her??? he was the one who got it up and kept it up and risked your health for a cheap piece of a$$. Keep that in mind when he accuses you of running away - you need a Hep C test asap - if he was too drunk to know better than to screw your friend, he was probably too drunk to use protection - and that's irresponsible. If i was you, i would make the consequences very clear (even if you do get back with him someday) or this will happen the next time he gets a shot at one of your slutty friends. also, isn't it embarassing that everyone you know is apparently talking about this?

Cheating is cheating no matter how it happened, they both knew what they were doing they just use being drunk as an excuse to justify it. Is he joking? sabotaging the relationship, who fault was it, his of course, he is just giving you a guilt trip to see if it will work on you. Kick him to the curb. He will never respect you if you let it go.

This was a very hurtful event and your "friend" really wasn't.Prior to this happening they both at some point hinted at it so they are both equally guilty.You took vows for better or worse and this is one of those worst times.You can live through this and your relationship can get stronger(I know it doesn't feel that way now) A start would be going to church and seeing the clergy.Secondly some counseling for the both of you would be beneficial.Lastly you must forgive your husband for his actions AND he must be sorry and willing to do everything in his power to rescue the love of his life.You will be in my prayers

the older i get the more i realize that we forgive our mates everyday. they can be rude, thoughtless, unkind...

what he did was wrong and his male ego is trying hard to have some form of dignity thus he blames the friends. I strongly urge you to get dr phils book on relationship rescue. it is a hard book to get thru but will make you a better person no matter what choice you make. he will have to jump the hoops til you are done with this. my dad had a thing with a woman when he was drunk many years ago and my mom can still have a jealous streak after 50 years of marriage.

keep it real tho and challenge his stupid comments like YOU are "sabotaging the relationship". Just who did what with whom???? Best of luck and keep your head high.

I have been through something similar. I say if you truly love him work it out. You have to get counseling, I did not think I needed it but I did. Even if you want to leave work through the issues first, so that you do not take them into another relationship. It's really hard but worth the effort and give your self time to heal it been 6 mo. for me. I'm still healing. And do not let anyone tell you what you should do!