Im less then 2 months shy of being 19, and almost 6 months pregnant.
As soon as i found out, i knew abortion was not the answer, and that i would bring this child into the world. As i'm coming farther along, I'm just really starting to doubt my abilities to be a good enough mom. I have goals to go to college, and become an estheticien(I worked my whole highschool years off to get honours) and though I know i can do it with a child, its going to be hard. Hard to go to school, work, raise a baby, and balance a social life. But I'm so scared to put my baby up for adoption and regret it the rest of my life. No one has come out and said..oh you have to give this baby up for adoption..but all the time its..your too young..your life is over...you can't afford it. Obviously it's going to be hard, I know that. But it won't be that way forever! This baby knows my voice already, the sound of my heart beat..If I were to give it up for adoption, it's going to know its not with its real mom is it not?
I don't know im just really confused.
I guess im looking for any kind of advice...maybe some websites or somewhere i can go for information. I live in Ontario, Canada. And IF(and that's a big IF) i decided to look more into this..i would want to be able to choose where my baby goes..but what I've heard so far is that children's aid, or an adoption agency will choose a family that THEY believe is most suitable, is this true?
Please, no rude comments.
hi. i had my first baby at barely 17. i was so afraid and i thought about adoption too, but in the end i couldn't do it. i fell in love with my daughter the minute i saw her. i've wondered a few times what it would be like if i'd given her up and where i'd be today but i see things differently now. your priorities change when you have a child. your instincts kick in and you go into mommy mode, usually. i still went to college and did things with my life, i just had to put those plans on hold for a few years. you are still young and time goes by so fast. if you keep the baby it won't seem like that long until he or she is in kindergarden and you can go to school while she or he is in school. it is harder, yes, but it is also very rewarding. as for balancing a social life, you will find that becomes a lot less important. a lot of the people you think are your friends won't be anymore because you will change. the ones that really do care and want to be your friends will be there and they will want to help you out. i still went out once a week when i was younger too, even with having the baby i found a bit of time for myself. you might just find you aren't all that interested in the social scene after the baby comes anyhow. having a baby doesn't get in the way of making a good life for yourself. it doesn't change your hopes and goals, it just changes the time line. good luck and i hope you make the right choice for you and your baby.
no its not true it is coercion ,
please look at this site
your baby needs you and things i life are temporary
adoption is forever
I am a birth mom
i know what i am saying
IM 19 TOO. I WAS THINKIN ABOUT ADOPTION AND ABORTION BUT I REALIZED THAT THOSE ARE 2 DECISIONS THAT WON'T WORK FOR ME. I KNOW I COULDN'T HANDLE KNOWIN THAT MY BABY MIGHT GET STUCK IN THE "SYSTEM" OR THAT THEY COULD END UP GETTIN THROWN FROM FOSTER HOME TO FOSTER HOME OR EVEN GET ABUSED BY THE PPL THAT ADOPT HIM. PLUS WHEN I HEARD HIS HEART BEAT FOR THE FIRST TIME IT WAS FINAL THAT I WAS KEEPIN HIM. YEA LIFE IS GOIN TO BE HARDER BUT I FEEL LIKE MY LIFE WOULD BE A MILLION TIMES HARDER IF I WERE TO GIVE HIM UP, B/C AS A MOTHER ITS NATURAL TO WORRY ABOUT UR BABIES YA KNO. BUT IF U REALLY FEEL LIKE UR BABY COULD HAVE A BETTER LIFE WITH ANOTHER FAM THEN GO AHEAD. I DON'T APPLAUD IT AND I DON'T KNOCK U FOR IT. Good luck with ur decision and if u can take about a week to urself and jus really think about everything and ignore all the negative things that were said cause trust my ppl said the same things to me but I realized its MY baby not theirs.
I was six weeks shy of 19 when I had my first child. I was married when I became pregnant, but I got married because I was loopy over some guy. It wasn't because I envisioned making a career of being a happy housewife. By the time I was three months pregnant, I knew my marriage had been a mistake and that my husband was not interested in the baby. (He didn't even show up to take my child and I home from the hospital on our first wedding anniversary. Not a great guy. The nurses were really nice while I was crying my eyes out, though.)
I had my baby, kept him, raised him, completed a four-year degree in three years, stayed on the Dean's list, and today, my son is my best friend. I just can't imagine life without him. He's been more of a help than a hindrance. He provided fantastic motivation.
Yes, it's hard having a baby and going to college, but it's not at all impossible.
As a birthmom who has NEVER regretted my decision I would say there is nothing more unselfish you can do.
That said, don't let anyone including me pressure you into something you are not comfortable with.
I think my situation was pretty unique. I knew with all my heart that the situation wasn't right. I felt that as a child I had no business raising a baby. I made the decision when I was six months along and I did not bond with the baby. What I'm leading up to is that is you are already in love you probably will regret it for the rest of your life. Honestly, many do, most do. I sorta think I'm weird, maybe even a bit cold not to.
The help is there if you do decide to keep your baby. It's a tough decision and there are no easy answers.
Please keep in touch. If you would like support either way please email me firstname.lastname@example.org
In the states you are able to choose a family. Canada, I'm not sure if there are private agencies you could go through. I think families are pretty tightly screened for finances and homes situation. That said, there are no guarantees.
Do you have any relatives in the States, maybe you could deliver here and do the whole process here, if you decide you want to.
As far as picking an adoptive family, you can do a private adoption...
BUT, 19 is not Too Young! I was 21, married, and going to college when I had my first, which I also managed to breastfeed exclusively Without a pump, for over 2 years. She was the biggest blessing of my entire life, and then some!
I recommend that you take your time going to college part-time. Just don't drop-out. If you occasionally need to take a summer semester off of school or whatever, just get back in the next semester. Don't give up, but don't take classes full-time, as your baby does need you.
As far as working, try to find something such as a babysitting position in your home where you watch a couple other children or babies part-time, say evenings and weekends, so you can be with your baby, and it can be with you.
(I would also recommend you try reading the Bible for at least a few minutes a day and finding a church you feel comfortable in to attend regularly/ make friends in. A good church will be a great support group and reading the Bible will have a huge impact on your life/ help give you direction.)
How to manage it all? I recommend the book, "Twelve Hours Sleep by Twelve Weeks Old," by Suzy Giordano. Its a life saver. (You And your baby need your sleep. Babies on a sleep schedule are happy babies because they're not sleep deprived.) She also teaches that feeding your baby too often gives it a tummy ache because its immature digestive system needs time to digest its food- Nurse baby about every 3 hours or give baby formula about every 4 (except that first week when they don't even know how to drink yet!) Remember, by the time they are about 5 months, they can start eating baby food too, so hiring help with your baby this whole time is very feasible and a lot more affordable than you might think if you look around.
If you choose to keep your baby, and I hope you do, feel free to e-mail me with any questions. I will answer as soon as I am able. In addition, at the risk of sounding like a "vulture," if you choose to give your baby up for adoption, as you can read in my profile, my husband and I are looking to adopt, with or without an agency. You can read all of my Q&A to get a sense of who I am. I have two bio-kids, the youngest of which is still a baby. I am breastfeeding him and would breastfeed my new baby if I adopted one. We also plan on encouraging birth parents to visit (no pressure), as I don't want our children to feel rejected. One last thing, I would even be willing to take it for a time while you made your mind up for sure. People will tell you these things are hard to enforce in a court, which is true, but you have plenty of time to get to know us...
But again, I think you Want to keep your baby and can do it with some planning. I wish you all the best and much, much more. God bless!
Read the book Operating Instructions: My Son's First Year.
It was given to me when I was considering being a single Mom (before I met my husband and now have three beautiful children). I was in my upper 20s and just felt my time ticking away. The book was an eye-opener.
As a child of adoption I can say that how you handle and the adoptive parents handle the child will alter any lasting effects. It can be very positive, and you can have an open adoption that keeps you in the loop but not as the parent.
Your baby will have some traits that are definitely yours. While other traits will be based on nurture instead of nature.
In the USA you are able to do a private adoption where you can help select the babies new family. This would all be done using a lawyer(s).
You sound as though you are very considerate, intelligent, and loving. I am sure that the right answer will come to you. Just be patient with yourself, and realize that change is not bad it's just change. I've got a couple of friends who had babies at 17, were single, and succeeded in raising their children. It was never "easy" but whether you are married, with money, etc. raising children will be the hardest and most rewarding job you ever experience.
First thing I want to say is your life wouldnt be over. Changed yes over no. And true, it is hard to go to school , raise a child, and have a social life in there somewhere, but its one of those things in life that are so well worth it. I'm pretty certain that if you go through the CAS or another agency, you won't have much if any say in where your baby would go, and private adoption is just so...dodgy.
I was a single mom in ontario, and there were a host of programs available to help out, things that while you need them, really help you out financially and emotionally. The Health Unit in your area might also have a wealth of information available to help you parent your child, including support groups with other women in your situation, thats one resource I found was an absolute lifesaver.
There is no shame in taking advantage of resources that are available to you while you get yourself on the path you want to be on.
Couple of links that might be of use to you. Best of luck in your decision.
As an adoptive parent, and a natural mother also, I worried about the bond with my adopted son. After the first few days, I knew I didn't have to worry. He has bonded with me VERY much, and wouldn't go to his 1st mom at 11 days old without fussing. Even when she stayed with us for 2 months this past summer, he still never voluntarily went to her, even though I hugged her a couple of times in front of him, and urged him to.
There's also no reason you need to totally cut the bonds with him/her. Our adoption is very open, although his 1st mom only chooses to come very rarely. Your adoption laws can be googled with your area that you give birth in, rather than where you live now. For instance, (and I'm just saying for instance), if you moved to our state, Arkansas, USA, then the local laws here would supercede. The child would be considered a resident of this state, with this state's birth certificate. You would sign the consents, and have 10 days after the birth to change your mind.
This is a decision only you can make. No one here knows your situation. I wish you luck, no matter what you decide to do.
I had my son at 19 and while it was not easy, there is nothing better than being a Mother IF you are at a place and time in life where you can kind of "Put yourself aside" and know you always have to put your baby first. My sons father insisted he be put up for adoption and that was not the answer for me. I KNEW I loved my baby and could not choose another family who should raise him, make choices about his health, his well being. No profile could provide me that.
Has it always been easy or was it my plan? NO. Was it worth every second? YES! He is growing up and my life is falling back onto more of the path I planned. While a baby may be a little bump in the road, it is nothing close to the end of the road. You just have to believe in yourself and your baby. You will be okay.
I can listen to what you said and know you are already madly in love with your baby - because you know that he or she DOES know your voice and DOES know your heart beat. No one will ever love you like your baby and you will never love anyone more from the second you see that little face.
Please listen to this song. Perhaps it wasn't written to be applied in this manner, but it couldn't be more appropriate than for a Mom who was told she could never do it all and is going to prove them wrong! :) You will be okay!