Cows are the new god?

Conspiracy theorists have recently concluded that cows hate humans and are trying to destroy us. Such theorists cite the following information to support their belief in a global cow conspiracy:

1. Cows have been disappearing and the only thing left behind are some fecal matter from squirrels as well as garlic (Liam Knox's signature trump card).
2. Cows are the main cause of the disappearing rain forests. They have to cut them down in order for more cows to graze there.
3. Fascist dictators wear boots made from cow skin, breeding on the subconscious foot fetish ingrained in every one of us.
4. Cows are the main cause of heart problems in humans.
5. Cows cause cancer.
6. Jows (Jewish cows) did 9/11
7. Oscar Wilde is, in reality, half cow. Conspiracy theorists point to the original titles of his plays, The Importance of Being Bovine and An Ideal Bull as evidence of his cow parentage.
8. It has often been said that cows have the power to turn off the Internet. When the time is right, they will exercise their ill-gotten authority and force everyone to go back to dial-up, thereby enslaving the human race.
9. When people aren't looking, the more dangerous cows will whip on bandannas and rob mini-marts at gunpoint. Often the last thing the shopkeeper will hear is '鈭€'. Linguists believe that the English translation of this is, "Get on the floor, you sons of bitches. I'm gonna pop a cap in yo ***"
10. Cows are very crafty when it comes to the art of disguise. You never know when a cow is hiding in the bushes, watching your every move. Using the latest and greatest technology not yet known to our inferior species, cows can actually rearrange their atomic structure to appear as everyday household items. Some of the most common cow disguises are trees, kerosene lanterns, sporks, tubes of polysporin, Mar mite, rolls of toilet paper (2-ply), and Cuban cigars (this is actually the secret reason Cuban Cigars cannot be imported into America.)
11. Many heifers carry red light-sabers, and anyone who has a red light-saber is evil. Period.
12. Cows are known to disrupt the internal clocks of humans. Although normal humans rarely get out of bed before 1:00 pm, farmers and others who live in close proximity to cows have been known to begin their day as early as 5:00 am. It is believed that the widespread consumption of beef is the cause of the 9:00-5:00 workday. Some say that this is because of saturated amounts of cowbell, but this makes no sense because working 9:00-5:00 hour days is hardly very awesome.
13. It is proven that Ninja cows are more deadly than giant radioactive chickens
14. People don't have cows, cows have people.
15. Cows contracted AIDS after jumping in the pool
16. The Tranformers movie was terrible due to cows.
17. Cow milk is white to look good but its evil.
18. Cows hate Bill Gates and in some cases may work for Linus Torvalds and Steve Jobs.
19. Don't drink cows milk it has been found to have lethal amount of poison in it.
20. Cows have a Conspiracy. They will team up with Wal-Mart to take over the universe by selling Mad Cow Disease infested meat to any fat person

bobs i beleive you will be saved by the cows and will go to heaven if you just beleive blah blah blah open your heart to the cows.

Now just hang on a moo-ment, I think you are milking this idea beyond reason.
More realistic cow-culations have shown that the things you have said are not true.
You seem to be an-udder type of person, a cow-ard to think such things.

You have forgotten such good things as a monk's cow-l, central to worship, a dairy, necessary for ordering your day, and last but not least: a the bi-bull, a sacred text.

Really, I think your assertions quite cheesy. I am ready to calve up your statements.

Deja Moo













The feeling we've heard this bull before??






Seriously though an interesting observation.

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AMAZING BRILLIANT AND HILARIOUS.YOU SEEM LIKE A COW AGE GURU.YOURE SOMETHING REALLY INTERESTING.KEEP IT UP.i really had my best laugh in many days

these are the same people who...

Believe 9/11 was a conspiracy

Believe that Obama is the antichrist

Believe that the Moon Landing was real...

EDIT: 1up Mushroom, you are a boody legend

AHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Heheheh... yum!!!

cow-intology.

You need some help.

how stupid can people get? cows are not the new Gods and btw i think the hindu religion is way off! it says there are like a million gods and a few off them are elephants with 50 hands, that doesn't even make sense! why would you believe that a cow is a god?! obviously some people can get dummer than i thought!

NO. Cows is not the new God. In fact, cow are created by God. All the conspiracy stated above are wrong and false.
You should be more open minded. God is the Creator of human. Are you saying that a cow created you?