Did you hear the news ? ?

Conspiracy theorists have recently concluded that cows hate humans and are trying to destroy us. Such theorists cite the following information to support their belief in a global cow conspiracy:

1. Cows have been disappearing and the only thing left behind are some fecal matter from squirrels as well as garlic (Liam Knox's signature trump card).
2. Cows are the main cause of the disappearing rain forests. They have to cut them down in order for more cows to graze there.
3. Fascist dictators wear boots made from cow skin, breeding on the subconscious foot fetish ingrained in every one of us.
4. Cows are the main cause of heart problems in humans.
5. Cows cause cancer.
6. Jows (Jewish cows) did 9/11
7. Oscar Wilde is, in reality, half cow. Conspiracy theorists point to the original titles of his plays, The Importance of Being Bovine and An Ideal Bull as evidence of his cow parentage.
8. It has often been said that cows have the power to turn off the Internet. When the time is right, they will exercise their ill-gotten authority and force everyone to go back to dial-up, thereby enslaving the human race.
9. When people aren't looking, the more dangerous cows will whip on bandannas and rob mini-marts at gunpoint. Often the last thing the shopkeeper will hear is '鈭€'. Linguists believe that the English translation of this is, "Get on the floor, you sons of bitches. I'm gonna pop a cap in yo ***"
10. Cows are very crafty when it comes to the art of disguise. You never know when a cow is hiding in the bushes, watching your every move. Using the latest and greatest technology not yet known to our inferior species, cows can actually rearrange their atomic structure to appear as everyday household items. Some of the most common cow disguises are trees, kerosene lanterns, sporks, tubes of polysporin, Mar mite, rolls of toilet paper (2-ply), and Cuban cigars (this is actually the secret reason Cuban Cigars cannot be imported into America.)
11. Many heifers carry red light-sabers, and anyone who has a red light-saber is evil. Period.
12. Cows are known to disrupt the internal clocks of humans. Although normal humans rarely get out of bed before 1:00 pm, farmers and others who live in close proximity to cows have been known to begin their day as early as 5:00 am. It is believed that the widespread consumption of beef is the cause of the 9:00-5:00 workday. Some say that this is because of saturated amounts of cowbell, but this makes no sense because working 9:00-5:00 hour days is hardly very awesome.
13. It is proven that Ninja cows are more deadly than giant radioactive chickens
14. People don't have cows, cows have people.
15. Cows contracted AIDS after jumping in the pool
16. The Tranformers movie was terrible due to cows.
17. Cow milk is white to look good but its evil.
18. Cows hate Bill Gates and in some cases may work for Linus Torvalds and Steve Jobs.
19. Don't drink cows milk it has been found to have lethal amount of poison in it.
20. Cows have a Conspiracy. They will team up with Wal-Mart to take over the universe by selling Mad Cow Disease infested meat to any fat person

I was utterly (GAWD, how I WANTED to say "udderly!!") convinced until I read :
It is proven that Ninja cows are more deadly than giant radioactive chickens.
Come on now, that's just absurd!
You ever had giant radioactive chickens in your bathroom???

16. The Tranformers movie was terrible due to cows.

Wtf?!
Wow.
Thanks for the laugh.
I really need that.
:D

yeah yeah

Hahehe yup!


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Okayyyyyyyy. Thanks for lettin me know!

write more next time :)