There is a lot to my situation so I will try to explain it as clearly as I can to you...
I am 19 years old, living with my parents, and a college sophomore. My parents and I have had rough spells, mostly during my early teenage years as I suspect many experience with their parents, but we get along great for the most part now. I live with them although I support myself financially as far as school, gas, insurance, etc... This past school year they would not give me their information to fill out my FAFSA so that I could receive aid for school. This put a strain on our relationship for a while, but I believe that I am called to honor them no matter what (not just if they make me happy and are good to me all the time) so I put this aside and found scholarships and took out a loan, with my grandparents cosigning, to get through my first year of college.
Now, it is time to be filling out the FAFSA again and to prepare financially to attend college in August. My parents, once again, will not fill out my FAFSA. I recently found out it was because my dad has not filed his taxes because he is self-employed and it is difficult for him to get his papers together. I understand this, but it still seems to me that he could try since this is such a significant thing for me! Especially since he has known for a year this was coming. It is as if he doesn't really care. My grandparents have recently fallen into financially dire situations of their own and are no longer eligible to cosign on a loan for me and I do not know any other relatives or friends who are able to, either.
Now, this is going to seem like a change of topics but it does fit into my story, I promise! Three months ago my boyfriend of nearly four years proposed to me with my father's blessing. We wanted to get married sooner rather than later because we feel we are ready to take that next step in our relationship and become husband and wife. We are both Christians, we pray and read the Word together, and we are active in our church as leaders. My parents are Christians, although they do not attend church, read the Bible with the family, or fellowship with Christians in any way that is apparent to my siblings and I. When my fiance and I approached them about getting married soon, they said that they just did not have a peace about it and we did not have their blessing to get married, only to plan and prepare for it. It is really hard, but I don't want to step out of God's plan for my life. After all, he placed me under my parent's authority and this is their decision.
I am conflicted because both my fiance have a peace in our own hearts about the marriage, and when we have talked to older people in our church, they are supportive, too. Come to think of it, everyone seems to be except for my parents who don't have a "peace" about it in their gut.
To add to my sorrow over not getting married, I just learned that if I were to be married, I could fill out my FAFSA with my fiance's information and receive the aid. He has been financially blessed and has enough savings to pay for our college with the aid, a small apartment, and he works to pay bills. We have run the numbers, and we can afford to do it which sounds too good to be true, but like I said, he has been financially blessed!
My mom has explained it to me like this... The world and evil are like the rain that falls upon us, and God is the umbrella. Under God's umbrella is our parents' umbrella shielding us, and if we step out from our parents', we step out from God's, leaving ourselves exposed to bad things and out of God's plan for our life and His blessings. I love my parents and I don't wish to defy them, I am just really conflicted about what to do! This is putting me in risk of not going to college this year (there are no job oppurtunities for me in my small, country hometown) and I am delaying a marriage that I long for! Any advice that you have for me would be so greatly appreciated! Thank you! I am a Christian and am sorry that you are going through this.
On the one hand your parents are Christians, then on the other hand they are not paying their taxes ( if I understood what you wrote above ). There's a disconnect here.
And they do not attend church, read the word, etc. They are "forsaking the assembly of the believers" that St. Paul talked about in one of his epistles.
I do not agree with your parents when they talk about their being God's umbrella over you and that if you step out of the umbrella you'll be exposed to bad things.
God is our umbrella. Remember the story when David's general, Joab, killed Abner outside the city gates of Hebron?
Hebron was one of the cities of refuge. If a person accidentally killed someone, the avenger of blood couldn't touch that person if they were in the city of refuge.
Abner killed one of Joab's brothers. Joab had a right to avenge his brother, but Abner was in Hebron.
But Joab suckered Abner to go outside the city gate and killed him.
Similarly, if we stray away from our Refuge, Jesus Christ, then we are easy pickings for the enemy.
So by continuing to pray, reading the word, fellowshipping with other believers, you are staying in His refuge.
I think you may need additional power in this situation. Might I suggest fasting:
http://www.therocksandiego.org/21dayfast...
http://www.therocksandiego.org/media/sit...
http://www.therocksandiego.org/media/sit...
http://www.therocksandiego.org/media/sit...
http://www.therocksandiego.org/media/sit...
http://www.therocksandiego.org/media/sit...
Please also consult with your doctor about fasting.
Okay, here's one more thing. Personally, I think you should wait *at least* till you're done with college before thinking of getting married.
I usually recommend waiting till age 25.
But take it to prayer.
Stay blessed!
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* You are an adult, and it is time for both you and your parents to realize that you must stand on your own two feet. Marry the guy.
Incidentally, if your dad is not filing or paying his income taxes he is breaking the law and could go to prison. It might be that it is difficult for him to reconcile the fact that he is a criminal with the fact that he is a Christian. Such stress could easily cause him to misperceive your situation, as well as his own. If you have that kind of influence with him, it might be a good thing to urge him to seek counseling with a qualified (M.A. or Ph.D.) counselor.
You don't sound like you need counseling; just to give yourself permission to be the adult you have become.
Good luck! |
