Just thought everyone could use a laugh! LOL! So Laugh!
1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.
EVER WONDER????
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of
progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
~~~~
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap."
(and that would be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(but, it's "just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after
heating."
(...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on
body."
(but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or
operate machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
(and... I'm taking this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use
only."
(as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts."
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a Swedish chainsaw:"Do not attempt to stop chain with your
hands or genitals."
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
Hope you had Fun Laughing!! lmao thanks!! wow. that was pretty creative.
Mission achieved. I did laugh. :D :D Oof! Way too long! I got bored with the whole thing halfway down... sorry, but I have read all these in those pesty emails. Thanks anyway! some of those are really weird. and take me some time to actually get. but other wise it was funny. definitaly made my day. good job Ha Ha Ha That was very funny.You wanted me to have a good laugh,it worked.Thanks for making me smile even though i was pretty down. Lol, 'open packet, eat nuts.' hahha lol it was great thanks 4 the laugh :)
have a great week (: Awesome! Need moar of this here in the future! haha thts hilarious! thanks for that it brightened up my day i like them lol :D your mintt lol , thanks great laugh ~ Wow. The "only in America" jokes are sooo funny and soo true. Aren't i lucky to live there? I liked the other jokes about the Christmas lights and Children's cough medicine. I have to email this to my friends. Thanks, you deserve a star! :) 1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.---- haha.. isnt that the truth?
2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.--- lmfao.. well they might want to take their grandkids or something, huh? ;)
3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. ---- we have drive thrus for the sick :)... and i am glad my cigarettes are up front.. lol
4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.------ lol.. and the diet coke is a 44 oz... or they order a beer with it..
5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.------- hehe, yeah people has to get in, right? and there are too many pen stealers.. lol
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.---- isnt that the truth.. i have so much stuff and i have two buildings, that i dont know what else to do with it.. but it isnt junk ;)
7. Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.------- of course and thank god for caller id's.. <3
8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.----- yeah, i always wondered that.. oh, i know the answer..!! money hungry... so you have to buy two packs of buns..
9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.---- well.. thats what most people in politics are here, isnt it?? hehehe..
10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.... haha.. yeah like the blind can see to drive.. i liked that one.. but thats because there are so many people robbing the blind so they have to do that.. too many theives.. ;)
Gotta love America, huh?? hehe.. i am so lucky to live here.. You are freakin funny!!
Good thoughts...
Poptarts have instuctions to remove wrapper before placing in toaster...
Either the government puts such crazy rules on companies that hey have to put this stuff on their packaging or we really have some idiots in this world... Hehehehe!!!
On a superman costume:
Warning: wearing this garment does not enable you to fly.
On a set of kitchen knives:
Waring: keep out of children
On a food processor
Warning: not to be used for the other use. (Wtf??)
;-) Capaz De Todo xxx鈾モ櫏鈾xx | 