My son will be 18 next month. He is likely the father of a baby girl born in Sept. (No money for paternity test at this time). He and the mother are not together but they promised we could all see her anytime. What they didn't say was it would always have to be in their house.
We asked to take the baby and mother (if she wanted to go) 8 blocks to my grandmothers and get a 5 generation picture and stay for 2 hours. They said "NO". because it was "not healthy" but they had already told me they took her to school and let others hold her etc. We pleaded with them to let my son bond with the baby, instead they sent a (very poorly written)certified letter (not a legal letter) telling us we are not allowed on the property. I chose to honor their request to avoid complications and give them time to come to their senses in hope of having a relationship with the baby. (we were there when the baby was born) The mother is 16 and lives with her recently unemployed mother in an extremely filthy home. So bad if reported the baby would likely be taken away from them at least temporarily. We are not trying to hurt anyone though. We have given them many things as I wanted to help them and they told me I was a great friend. Now they have owed me $500 for 2 years and have stabbed us in the heart. They sent an email telling me they don't need anything we gave them so they put it all in the garage (which has no doors) and for me to pick it up (which of course I can't do without going on their property). We may have to go to court to plead our case but we don't have the money to do so as my husband and I commute 2 hours each day for work.
My son has always had issues. He was severly injured when he was 3, he had skin grafs and high fevers and several surgeries. 4 teachers have told me he shows signs of a head injury such as motor skills and mental processing. Some people think he may be bi-polar. Of course I have spoke with the doctors about this and they say even if he does have problems there is nothing that can prove it was from his injury when he was 3 and that there would be no treatment. He has been defiant, he lies, steals, has been diagnosed as ADD and has been through a lifetime of counseling. He has been in placement by my request through a school for children in need of assistance for 1 1/2 yrs. I drove 2 1/2 hrs one way to see him every weekend. He came home only to get into trouble again. He then lived with his 26 yr old brother which he was excited about because he thought his brother was cool and he lived in town not in the country. His brother is a sargeant in the military and he kept my son for 2 yrs. I had him everyother weekend during that time. He ran away for a month and then called me and came to live here again.
Recently he got mad at his teacher in alternative school and poured milk all over her car. He had to clean it and I had to pay because he has had 3 jobs and lost all of them. last week he was caught stealing over the counter medicine and I found out he is taking 20 at a time to get high. I made him go to the police and fill out forms. They say they cannot do anything about it. He came home and my husband and mother had found marajana and more meds in his room. We live in my mothers home she will retire in renovating it for her, so she makes the rules and she kicked my son out. He then asualted my husband (his step dad)
I called the sherriff, police, a judge, the insurance company, mental department and hospital. I had the sherriff pick him up for a "wellness" check. None of them will do anything. It is my understanding that unless he slits his throat or mine or something deadly in front of the doctor nothing can be done. The doctor wouldn't even do a drug test on him.
With that said I am legally responsible for him but he is not allowed in the home I live in. Not only can I not help my son. I cannot see my first grandaughter either. I even wrote to Dr Phil and it has been a month and I have had no response. Today I took his books to school and was going to help him with legal aid about his daughter and an issue he has with losing his liscense and he took the bag of books, discovered that my mother also found his porno which I did not know he had and burned it. He told me he has no family anymore. The only reason he is going to school is because he has to in order to stay at the home he is currently in. I have prayed for him his whole life. Also as bad as he is the babies mother and other grandmother are just as bad. The mom has stolen and lied and the grandmother uses people all the time for money, cel phones, vehicles, food etc. I didn't understand that was what was going on until I had helped then too. I want what is best for my grandaughter and son. Who can help? I am totally at a loss and stressed beyond explaination. Never ever would have believed all these things could happen in my life for my family. Very sad and frightening. He could be dead or in jail very very soon. Thanks for your input everyone. I appreciate your prayers and time to address my concerns. As for Joe G. your comments show you have no tact in that you kick people when they are down. If you disagree with my attempts to help my son that is your right. It would have been better considered however if you had used constructive criticism, I am a big girl and have no problem admitting I am less than perfect. Maybe this sight was not wise but when you really want to help someone you do what you can. You gave me the concequences for my error in judgement hope you feel better The depressed person or their family members may think that a change in mood or behavior is simply "a passing mood," and the person should just "snap out of it." But someone suffering from depression can not just "get over it." Depression is a medical illness that must be diagnosed and treated by trained professionals. Untreated, depression may last months or even years.
Almost all children have a birth certificate indicating the identity of their mother; however, for some children, the identity of the father is not clear.
You can open a case through the Division of Child Support Enforcement (DCSE). In order to open a case, you need to obtain an application at the local office,
There are certain situations in which the law presumes that someone is the father of a child. For example, when a child is born to a married couple, the law presumes that the husband is the father of the minor child. Likewise, once a man signs a written statement under oath indicating the man is the father, the law presumes he is the father. A conclusive presumption also arises when the parties undergo genetic testing (DNA tests) and the tests show a probability of paternity of 98% or higher. Paternity can also be accomplished by legally adopting a child.
Once paternity is established, the father has rights and responsibilities. Among his responsibilities, he may be obligated to provide financial support and health care coverage for his child(ren).
Read William Styron's book about depression. It helped a lot.. First of all, he needs to petition the court for a paternity test to see if the baby is his and then deal with that, whatever the outcome. Since he will be 18 next month, there is limited or no action you can take to get him to shape up or seek treatment. I assume he is going to school so he will not be out on the street, homeless, so you may have some leverage there to get him to comply with your wishes and his best interest. Jail may not be a bad idea for him...
Have you considered reporting the Mother and maternal Grandmother? Maybe foster care would be better for this child and future adoption? At least some parenting classes... Perhaps you are in a position to raise this baby? You are in my prayers! worry about helping him to stop being ridiculous and find a job and get his life together, etc. before you worry about his porn or the pot in his room. treating him like a child and being frustrating will only make his depression worse which in turn will slow him down from getting his life together. why would you send him to the police for that? what good could that possibly accomplish if you care about him and the baby? all that will do is give him another issue to deal with. THINK about how your actions will affect him. be supportive; don't think you know his life better than he does. as long as he gets a job and helps his baby out, he should be allowed to make less consequential decisions of his own accord. the sense of freedom and responsibility that gives him seems to be far more valuable in helping him than taking his pot and making him feel like a bad child. you are handling this horribly; no matter how filthy the mother's house is, they may have the right idea in getting your son and you out of their life. why do you ask yahoo answers firstly? and secondly,
WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK OF ASKING DOCTOR PHIL YOU RETARD. that really makes me wonder whether you have license to call him, his baby's mother and her mother 'bad'. what a clusterfuck. the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I'll pray for you. |
