How do I deal with these "parental" issues?

Alright, this is EXTREMELY long, bear with me. I am 13 years old. My adoptive father and my mother were never together for a long time, I was the spawn of someone. (Yeah, my mom was a bit... eh... in High School. I was born the Nov. after her graduation. No one call my mom a slut, I will hunt you down.) Anyway, my ex-stepdad is still in love with my mother, and he has a kid by his new wife, who has two other children. My adoptive father is separated from his wife, who now has three children. I live with my mother, grandmother, and younger sister. So I am the oldest out of eight children in my book. I've only just met who is said to be my biological dad... no kids, decent guy. Meh.

Anyway... everyone is screaming. Going left and right. They want to get a blood test done between me and my bio-dad. Just to be sure... My stepdad is clueless, he's just slowly trying to get over my mom and adjusting to his wife, whom he dislikes but is staying for my baby brother. Anyway, my adoptive father is just wangsting about it all, trying to get visitation and not paying child support- he told the judge he didn't have a job, even though he has A FULL TIME ONE!!! Gah! And he still doesn't pay, he harasses my mother, my mama get pissed every time I try to call him or text him just to ask how he's doing (I still love the guy, I mean, he's family regardless). I have lectured him on his actions, but he's scary. My grandmother criticized me for dropping out of religion, my dad told me horror stories about blood and Wicca and Satanism, though I had studied both those religions before and just corrected him and shrugged it off. But if I so much as ask to visit the man, my mama's like, "What? You never wanted to before! What's he been telling you?!" and constantly asking me what he says to me. I've had to write my journal entries in code! I've fallen out of the bed due to all the stress I get in dreams about this crap.

It got bad about two days ago at the ballpark. We were watching my sister, and my adoptive dad and I had gone for a walk. When we got back, my mom started screaming at me about not listening when she was calling me, saying she "knew I heard her." Number one, it's very loud over there. Number two, and I'm sorry to pull this card, but I'm hard-of-hearing. My hearing aids whistle to the point I can't hear **** when they are around loud areas. I got so mad and frustrated I ended up punching her in the chest. My grandfather got mad, and ordered me to get up, he was taking me home. I got up reluctantly, ready to leave. My adoptive dad (grandfather's son) was nagging him, telling me to stay and just apologize. He followed, and I kept going with Granddaddy. He told me to come back, Granddaddy told me to come on, and I just stopped in the middle. I respect both of them. I got confused, I didn't know where my loyalties lied. They started arguing to the point I just yelled to them that if they were going to fight, they should fight, but they were to leave me out of it. I had not intended for my voice to break. But it did, and I just started storming off randomly. I don't know where I was going, ha... People started crowding to see what the fuss was, and I ended up just falling down and crying my eyes out, my adoptive dad's girlfriend's sister holding me. His girlfriend calmed me down, and my grandfather just returned back to his seat, my dad standing off in a corner. My grandfather told me not to trust my dad, because he could get me into trouble. He's in jail every year, and every year he says he won't be. Most of my memories of him include a 5-inch glass window and holes to talk through in the wall.

They're still fussing, and they're still freaking over the blood test that hasn't yet occurred. I've said a million times that I look at family as a group of beings who love, support, and protect each other no matter what, but this will not fit into their rock-hard skulls, will it? No. They keep looking at blood, my grandfather is the only one who even REMOTELY understands. My sanity began packing its bags long ago, and it's only just told me it was leaving unless I could fix up the place. (Terrible figurative language, but yeah.)

Anyway... how do I cope with my mama and my adoptive dad? My step- and bio-dads aren't paying much attention, as they are outsiders. I am having trouble dealing with all this ****.

Sorry this is so long. Don't say I didn't warn you. Any ideas? Mind-clearing things, reasonable arguments and actions? I'm dying here.

Wow, you're very articulate for a thirteen year old, take that as a compliment, because it is.

It sounds like you've got drama junkies in your life. You're doing the right thing and your head is in the right place. Tell them you're tired of always having to be the one acting like an adult....

You'd be surprised how far such a comment goes.