Qualifications and normal things associated with being a liberal:
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You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of funding.
You have to believe natural born American Citizens have no work ethic and therefore we need illegal immigration.
IF there is a church that is valid, it has been pre-approved by the government.
You have to be against capital punishment but for abortion on demand ... in short, you support protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
You have to believe that the same public school idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.
You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the brilliance of the Sun, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being gay is natural.
You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
You have to believe that rugged hunters don't care about nature but pasty, whiny liberal activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
You have to believe there was no art before federal funding.
You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
You have to believe the free market that gives us 500+ channels can't
deliver the quality that PBS does.
You have to believe the NRA is bad, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain parts of the Constitution. (*cough* hypocrisy *cough*)
You have to believe that taxes are too low but ATM fees are too high.
You have to believe you can support the troops while calling them killers and mocking them, and reducing their funding.
You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin or Thomas Edison.
You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
You have to believe Hillary Clinton is really a lady and Rosie O'Donnell is not really a man who is jealous of Tom Selleck.
You have to believe conservatives are racists but that black people couldn't make it without your help.
You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because the right people haven't been in charge. No. It does not. Thanks Romare and Sean. Glad to see there are still a few of us at Y/A with brains and good memories. I guess we just have to live with the sour grapes people for at least the next 8 years. Yes, I do believe you hit the nail on the head. Absolutely, and perfectly! Yes and better than anything I've read in a while. Excellent! Being a Republican means believing that Pat Toomey and the teabaggers represent the mainstream of American opinion, the stormfront of a new wave of political awareness that will soon sweep your party back into power.
Being a Republican means believing that cutting taxes increases revenue, even after thirty years of doing it.
Being a Republican means believing that science is a big liberal plot to corrupt the youth of our great nation and steal money from the pockets of honest, hardworking rich people.
Being a Republican means believing that you lost the last two elections to more liberal candidates because your candidates weren't conservative enough.
Being a Republican means believing that teenagers today will have less sex than they did when you were a teenager if you just spend enough money telling them abstinenance is good.
Being a Republican means being an indefatagible and ceaseless fighter for less government intrusion into the day to day lives of ordinary citizens. Unless you're a terrorist. Or you talk to terrorists. Or you talk to people who might talk to people overseas. Or you want to marry someone of your own sex. Or you want to use recreational drugs other than alcohol or tobacco. Or you want to watch pornography or buy a sex toy. Or you you want to gamble online instead of hitting a casino or a track. Or you want to have the option to have an abortion, or avoid the necessity to have to consider having an abortion by using morning after contraception. Or, any contraception, any, because if you're not married, we've already taught you not to do it. Or you want to be allowed to die if you fall into a persistant vegatative state. Or you want to be secure in you persons, house, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures.
Being a Republican means believing that television shows and war movies are valid bases for policy making.
Being a Republican means believing that the the entire collapse of the global financial system in 2008 was caused by a law banning redlining that was passed when Jimmy Carter was president.
Beiing a Republican means believing that all those people who got trapped in the King Dome during Katrina would have been fine if they'd just had the presence of mind to grab a couple of thousand in cash, toss some bottled water into their SUVs, and drive to their summer homes in the mountains.
Being a Republican means believing that the only problems that can't be solved by military force are the ones that can be solved by tax cuts.
Being a Republican means my facts are just as good as your facts, buster and if I believe that the world was created in seven days six thousand years ago, there was no big bang, fossils are God's little jokes, Saddam was behind 9/11 and had WMDs, we'd be better off if the Social Security funds were invested in the stock market, and carbon dioxide is as transparent to infrared radiation as it is to visible light, that's just as valid as whatever it is that you think.
Its a wonderful magical world they live in. The list demonstrates something, but it isn't hypocrisy . . . perhaps a lack of intellectual development . . . but a response to each, just for fun.
# Failure to fund programs that will stop the spread of AIDS will lead to more people getting AIDS.
You have to believe natural born American Citizens have no work ethic and therefore we need illegal immigration.
# WTF?
# You want to go to churh . . . FINE. Let me alone.
#Capital punishment is barbaric an unequally applied. I am not for abortion, but I am for a woman having choice.
You have to believe that the same public school idiot who can't teach 4th graders how to read is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
# . . . and where did you go to school to learn all of these "nuggets" of wonderful disinformation?
You have to believe that trial lawyers are selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.
# . . . again WTF? How about reading Hostile Takeover and perhaps you can educate yourself!
# Guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are fine (though NO one needs an AK-47). How about keeping them out of those who fail to abide by the laws. And I am pretty sure the Chinese have never fired a nuke in anger . . . more than the U. S. can say.
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Global warming is a fact, and it is a fact that human activity is making it worse. Even FOX has actors asking us to do our part to reduce our carbon footprint.
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Yeah, gay people just woke up one day and decided to choose a lifestyle that would lead them to be ostracized. And you woke up when and decided you liked the other sex? And gender roles are artificial.
# Corporations in this country have FAR too much power. Time for government financed elections so we can get the money out of elections and those elected can do what is right instead of pay off their donors.
You have to believe that rugged hunters don't care about nature but pasty, whiny liberal activists who've never been outside Seattle do.
# Wow . . . finally a decent comment!
# Having the opportunity to earn it is important too.
# The arts are important.
# Corrupt politicians like GWB start ridiculous wars.
# I can't believe the number of times that even with all those channels there wasn't something on worth watching.
# The NRA has no shame. They believe ANY regulation is a violation.
# The tax cuts for the ultra wealthy have been too much. Most of the wealth that was created during the so-called economic boom after 9/11 went to the top five percent while most people have languished with stagnant wages and poor benefits.
# I think the VA should be fully funded and we owe the soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan a tremendous amount, especially since they were fighting for the chicken hawks of the Bush Administration.
You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin or Thomas Edison.
# Each are important.
# Standardized tests aren't racist (though if you ask about yachts . . . ) but they are ridiculously misused. They are a snapshot. And ETS can with over 80% accuracy predict standardized test scores by these five factors: 1)single-parent status; 2) attendance; 3)free&reduced lunch status; 4)how much TV is watched; and 5) how much children under 5 are read aloud to at home. And before you speak of set-asides, do you think it is bad if a qualified Native American isn't given preference when that Native American will return to the reservation to practice medicine where there is a chronic shortage of medical care?
# . . . another WTF?
# . . . how many WTF's are there?
# Better not look at Denmark. I started reading this with a full shaker of salt.. ready to pounce on any inaccuracy I might find...
I didn't find any.. except maybe the "Rosie O'Donnel is not a man" thing... that was funny...
I think you've pretty well summed it up.
I've even heard a Vanderbilt Professor state the last one - only he was talking about Communism, not Socialism. In fact, the quote was: "The only reason Communism hasn't worked is because the Americans haven't tried it"
Well done, thou good and faithful servant! |
