My bf's ex has a 2 year old that my bf says is not his, but she claims it is his. According to him, they were never technically bf and gf, he just had sex with her along with several of his friends and others- (unsafe I know). THey were off and on for several years and she was with another guy before she got back with him. SHe told my bf that she just aborted the other guys kid and a week later she told my bf she was pregnant with his kid. Several people since then have told him that she did this on purpose, because she came back to my bf the day after he received a big settlement and she wanted her baby to get the money. He never lived with her for more than a few weeks at a time, but when the baby was due he was with her and wanted to take care of her so he signed the parental papers at the hospital when it was born. They broke up right after the baby was born and he's never seen the child for more than a few hours at a time since then. He has already signed off all parenting time to her. In April 2008, she wanted state aid so she started wanting child support. He refused and told her not until a DNA test is done. She will not do a DNA test to this day, but is now calling me saying she wants him to sign his name off the birth certificate so her new bf can adopt the child. Is there some benefit to her for not doing the DNA test and yet having him sign off on the child? I know she wants to save face and does not to be called a liar for saying this child is his- she constantly clings to his family members in a different city and calls and texts him all the time, even though she put a PPO on him last summer when she came around 4th of July and my bf told her he wanted her to get away from his family. She said he threatened to kill her and her child, not true. Well, I hope someone answers. He needs a lawyer, I know, but I was recently laid off and his business is not taking off like it should have. It will be a while before we can afford a lawyer, but we can come up with money for a DNA test. Can't we make her take the DNA test?
you can't but the court can. He can go to the court house and file the paperwork to try to get visitation of the child. Then he can request a DNA test and the court will order it. When it comes back that it isn't his child, he can petition for the birth certificate to be changed so that his name will be removed. Try to see if he qualifies for legal aid so he can get a lawyer.
I don't believe this is his child. You said in her post that she said that she had an abortion and then a week later came and said she was pregnant with his child? That's just not possible. It takes 3 weeks for a test to turn up positive. So she was already pregnant and didn't get an abortion.
Oh, and if she did file for state aid, the state would automatically set up a child support case against him and he could go to court and request a DNA test. This is what my son's dad did to me when the state went after him. He knew my son was his he was just trying to delay having to pay any money. So if she hasn't done that, I wouldn't worry about it. And if she really wants to remove his rights for her BF to adopt, then she has to file the paperwork. Seems like she's just bluffing though.
If she wants State Aid, they will ask who the father is and then they will do a paternity test, unless he already signed the birth certificate stating he is the father. Take her to court for visitation, then they will do a DNA test to determine if he is the father
There is only one answer here, Does your BF want to be absolved of any responsibility to this kid forever?
If he does, then sign off,
If he wants to be responsible and part of the kids life, don't sign off.
Only your BF can answer that question.
If he wants the DNA test, push for joint custody. She will consent to DNA quickly to avoid giving the kid up, if it isn't his.
Don't sign anything
As a single man, you have NO ASSUMED RIGHTS to the child. Watch the movie trailer at the link below about a single father
Get an order enter forcing a DNA test, unless one has already been done.
DO NOT PAY ANY KIND OF SUPPORT FOR THE CHILD UNTIL A DNA TEST IS DONE, AS IT ACKNOWLEDGES YOUR FINANCIAL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE CHILD.
Once you begin paying child support, regardless of whether you are the father or not, you can be required to continue paying.
If you are paying without a court order, it can be considered a gift, with you ordered to repay for the same time period, especially if she's on Welfare.
If one has not been done, go to the child support enforcement to setup a voluntary order. Wait for them to file against you will result in you paying all court costs of up to $5000
Take a certified parenting course. The court is going to order you to take it anyway, so by showing you鈥檝e taken it only looks good to them.
Start keeping a daily journal of all your activities. The most common way to prevent a father from getting his rights through the courts is a false allegation. A daily journal is your number one piece of evidence in court and you can even refer to it while on the stand.
If you are being denied access, write her a letter notifying her of intent to exercise visitation on a specific date, like Saturday 10 AM to 6 PM. Sign it and make three copies. Mail the original Certified Mail and the other with Delivery Confirmation (75垄 + postage). If she rejects the one, she still receives the other. Whether the Certified Mail confirmation card or the Certified letter comes back, attach it unopened to a copy of the letter, plus a printout of the Delivery Confirmation from the web link below.
When you file for visitation rights, take these documents to the County Courthouse. Have the Clerk of the Court notarize it and than place it in your case file. Do this three times before considering going to court. When you do go to court, the judge will these letters while preparing for the hearing.
When you show up to pick up the child(ren), bring witnesses. Do not enter her place alone. If you can record, have someone video record. Check the site below to see if it is illegal to record audio and/or video without the mother knowing. If her state does not have a law either way, than it defaults to the federal ruling, which says one person in a conversation, must know they are being recorded. THAT鈥橲 YOU!
The court will order you into mediation, so take the lead first and suggest it to her. Instead of hiring attorneys, going to a mediator, you can hammer out an agreement. A mediator is an attorney or paralegal with certified training as a mediator. You each have to pay half the fees in order for the mediator to have the appearance of being unbiased.
If you and the mother are civil, consider Bird Nest Custody. In this the child lives in one home and each parent live there for 3-4 weeks, than switch. You live with friends, family, rent a room, etc. on the off time. In this manner, your child鈥檚 life is not disrupted. They are not being shifted back and forth. They keep their own room, friends, school, etc. It is hard on the parents, but than the child comes first. This is the form of custody rocker Ted Nugent had.
If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. Upon joining, you will receive a link to an educational manual that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.
Bird Nest Cusody
Can We Tape
Fathers & Families
Fathers Rights: The Movie
Parental Alienation Syndrome
United States Post Office: Delivery Confirmation
His name on the birth certificate really means nothing. The new bf can't adopt just because your bf removes his name (which i don't think he can do anyway).
If she wants to collect child support, refusing the DNA test prevents that, because only the biological father has to pay support.
For the new bf to adopt, she has to find the real father. If she has the DNA test that would allow a court to eliminate your bf as the father. If she has no other potential father (can't DNA test half the city!), they may allow her alone to agree to an adoption. I suspect it will be difficult, since there is a father out there somewhere, and legally, he has the right to decide if his child is adopted.
Of course, I won't comment on the intelligence of any man wanting to adopt this woman's child, or even being involved in her life.
Your boyfriend needs to decide whether he wants to relinquish any parental rights. If so, he should sign the papers relinquishing those rights.
Here's the tricky part. If he signed paternity papers when the child was born, he is considered the legal dad. In some states, that is considered legal paternity and no DNA is necessary, nor will it be pursued by child support. If the mom is getting welfare, the parentage papers he signed makes him the father (especially in CA) and they will only pursue health insurance and child support.
If he doesn't want to relinquish those parental rights, he should get a DNA before getting deeply involved in the child's life. If he shared that girl with his friends, getting a DNA should have been done by now.
Oh yeah, the name on a birth certificate is irrelevant. Especially if paternity has already been established. In CA, for many years, women could get whoever they wanted named on the birth certificate and now, the names on the birth certificate is irrelevant unless the parents were married.