Needing some advice on a difficult situation with my ex boyfriend and my unborn child?

I am currently pregnant with less then 2 weeks to go! My ex boyfriend the father of the baby wont stop harrasing me about certain matters. We had been together for a total of 9 months with 2 short break in between. Breaking up due to many fights & lack of interest in baby, abuse and no intention of getting a job! The final time breaking up i had enough of the same matters especially no interest. I ended it on good terms explaining i wanted to be friends for babies sake, i didnt hear from him in months. He then harrased me over hearing from my ex friend that baby wasnt his, claiming he wanted dna test. I went to legal aid they said he has no rights to see her if not on certificate. Harrasment continued from him and family, with threats to take me to court. This has continued to present day!
I am terrible scared of him seeing baby due to his lifestyle and bad behavour. Need advice on whether to claim full custody as family are into drugs and abuse! please help! As im scared!

i have gotten police involved last month, they came to my house and took report on harrasment, the family have not spoken since.
Legal aid said if he does not believe he is the father he shouldnt be put on the birth certificate till he has paid for test. Then he cannot harrase me or baby till he has done so. I have to go back after baby is born to file my legal aid and hand in paper work.
This man showed that he wanted baby at begining(agreeing to keep baby) then didnt show interest after. Think maybe its cause im well off with money and he has nothing.. He also claimed he wanted half of baby bonus after she was born. Thinking he may just be hassling me for money.
Was thinking at begining of going for supervised visitations but i know the family and they will try take her away from me, as they have friend in the situation and their suggestion is "kidnappin". Im ever so scared! Even to go to hospital to have her!

First, congratulations on the new life you will soon be bringing into the world and all the best.
Second, take a deep breathe and please calm down. Stress is never good, but two week until delivery is certainly not the time to stress out.
Third, if your being 'scared' involves the possibility of physical harm then perhaps it is the time to seek a restraining order to prevent his contact during a time when you will be least able to protect/defend yourself and your soon-to-be-here child. Just keep in mind that a restraining order, you don't mention which state you are in and legal aid maybe able to advise you on this, is merely a piece of paper and will not necessarily stop a drug using person who "feels wronged"--don't all substance abusers? But, with a restraining order you can call the police and perhaps get a more rapid response.

Now, as to the legal issues and custody and parenting time are legal (and moral issues--but courts focus mostly on the legal issues).
Parenting time is NOT based soley on whose name is/is not on a piece of paper--in this case a birth certificate. In some states you can not place his name on the birth certificate unless he is there to sign the documentation.
Whether his name is on the birth certificate or not he can always go into court and establish paternity--by test or admission--and ask the court to make a determination on (1) legal custody and (2) physical custody and (3) parenting time, also known as visitation. The court is to make its determination based on "the best interest of the child". Therefore, your local friend of the court will most likely interview you both and make some recommendations to the court.
Keeping a journal is a good idea, it helps to clarify times and dates when you are looking back on a past time and may provide useful information to your lawyer and the court/friend of the court. If you do not have copies of any "domestic violence" police reports you should get them before filing for a restraining order, they will also be useful to your lawyer.
Finally, remember this is a man that at one time you cared enough about to lay down and make a child with him. Concern for your child is first and foremost. His drug use and abuse were deal breakers as far as your relationship with him are concerned and that sounds like a well-reasoned decision on your part. And, now is not the time to start playing games. the physical and emotional and intellectual well being of your child is at stake.
Remember, just because it did not work out for the two of you in the past does not mean that he won't mature into a decent parent for his child, and while you do not have to subject your child to risk of harm--you need not to have your decision to not allow him to see the child set in stone, because the court MAY not agree and you don't want to go around violating court orders--as a general rule.
Are you independently wealthy or are you going to be seeking child support? There is a lot at stake here, so again--take some deep beathes, try to relax and make your decisions for the best interest of one who can not yet make decisions for themselves. Besides, you may be borrowing trouble--he might now be interested in hands on parenting, and maybe, just maybe that's okay too.
Finally, is there any adult in his family who you respect and trust? If the court orders parenting time be allowed you may have an ally to insure the safety and well-being of your child during this time. So, don't cut off your nose to spite your face, you might just need it later on. (smile) Make an alliance with this person NOW. You may find they agree he is not the fittest person-right now to have parenting time unsupervised, and when you go into court this portion can be in place.
Anyway, hope this helps.

You don't have to list him on the BC. After the fact you can go after him for child support. Of course he'll get his DNA test at that time but that doesn't mean he'll get any access. All depends upon what kind of evidence you have to show his lifestyle.

i would tell u to take the test and show him he's the father. if you dont, he can take u to the court n the future and prove the child is his, then you cant control the visitation rights which he will probably take advantage of.

Why would you conceive a baby with this person???

But ok, what's done is done. Just don't put him down on the birth certificate.

Grow up Missy and join reality. Anyone can figure out how to get pregnant maybe you should consider giving the baby up for adoption. If you are that incompetent to make the correct decision on with whom you sleep with then how would you be able to make quality decisions as a parent? God bless that child.

I am in a similar situation and have been instructed to keep a diary to show his a)instability and b)lack of interest, so go back as far as you can and document everything - when you were together, when you seperated, things he said and make sure that others can back you up. This will help you if it goes to court.
You don't have to put him on the birth certificate, but if you don't and he gets a paternity test it could reflect badly on you, like you don't know who the father is or you're trying to be difficult.
Its really up to you whether you go for full custody but if he has shown a lack of interest and is into drugs and abuse - do you wnt your child to live like that?
I wish you the best of luck.

I went through the same thing my ex . His family nenevr got invovled in our problems due to him never wanting his family to know he was abusive. I doubt you could get full custody but you can definitely have him have supervised visits with the baby. Explain to the judge what you said here. The only you can get full custody is if he signs his parental rights over to you. If he believes the baby is not his then he probably would have no problem with doing it. Tell him that you know the baby is his but he does not think so and if he isn't going to support you or the baby then just do you the favor of signing his rights over to you. Good luck. If you need support from a person who been trhough all with my ex email me.

next time he calls don't answer and pray he leaves a nasty message on your phone and get witness that he is harassing you and be violent threats to you go get a protective order and call police to and make sure they give you a copy of police report and i read drugs right that means he has a arrest record right get copies of that too and but his a@s on child support and do your homework next time no job no love OK good luck i hope this helps

First off Your legal aid is right if he isn't on the birth cretifcate he has no rights kinda like when a man gives a sprem sample he has no rights to that chlid either. If you are really scared for the babies sake you can claim full custody but if he refuses to sign the babies brith cretifate then he has no rights. If he really wants a test and you know it is his humor him. if it is his and you make it sound like you are sure than if he still won't sign he has no rights. You can also take him to court and get his rights revoked or make him go to parenting classes. just afew helpful suggestions. May your days be blessed

birds of the feather that stick together
nor made any seance as bird travel alone and free honey
So as you know they are too busy do not let them
use your top of your head as a JOHN
Contact the real Social Service Abuse & Child Welfare
if a man does not believe in you the time you Met
well IT IS obvious he wont believe you anytime the rest of
HIS life That is his Problem
this has nothing to do with you... so stay behind your DOOR
And tighten the screw and call a contractor whom has a
legal license,,good luck..

I would follow the advice of legal aide. DON"T PUT HIS NAME ON THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE...

If he wants to push for a DNA test then let him, but chances are especially once he realizes that if he is proven to the be the father he will have to pay child support, which will mean getting a job, he will let it drop

How was he lacking ? what did he do and did'nt do besides get a job?is da baby his? why be friends for babies sake if he can see hem?and as for court,call he bluff by now.

no offence.. but "deal with it"... you got pregnant and were not married... the guy is obviously a jerk but you were 100 % irresponsible to get pregnant in the first place...

I would claim full custody or give the baby for adoption - if you think of whats in the best interest of the child (you being a single mom) its probably the most loving thing you could do would be to place it for adoption..

or move away... he will continue to bother you... that you can be sure - its probably frustrating for him too... so again best thing would be to give the baby the biggest gift you can give it - a new family who are together and can afford a kid... and who really want one and are ready for one.

Sorry you are not ready, but hopefully you can give the baby a wonderful opportunity at a bright future.


(he can forceabley legally make you get a paterinty test for the kid if he wants one)