Editing tips and suggestions!!!??? 10psts best answer!!!!?

How can I make this lab write up stronger??

Procedure: To conduct this experiment twelve pairs of students collected twenty four critters and hatched them at two different temperatures. To make sure we accounted for any possible variation we made sure that there was twelve critters subjected to warm temperature and twelve critters subjected to a cooler temperature. Each pair of students were given to beakers and a stirring rod to aid them in testing their hypothesis. One beaker was to be filled with water warm water while the other at a much lower temperature. Once students collected their water were then responsible for keeping track of the initial time we exposed the creature to either temperature and the speed in which it hatched. We were given a stirring rod to help keep the critter submerged in the water and by stirring at a consistent speed we were able to help with the rate of time in which the critters hatched.

Yes, you should specify what the creatures were. Other notes are:
It should be "were given TWO beakers"
"the other WAS at a much lower...."
"collected their water THEY were then..."
Either "time in which it hatched." or "speed with which it hatched."
Similarly, either "rate of speed" or "length of time."

You should end your report with your opinion of what your findings mean. For example, are you satisfied that the hatching is sped up by the heat of the creatures environment? Do you think that the stirring had any affect independent of temperature? I don't know, but you should. Good luck!

"Critter" is way too informal for a lab report.