One stupid mistake.. but I can't get over him.. help!?

I've been married 9 years, and am a member of a local sports club and an officer of the club.

Recently at a function, I was asked to give first aid treatment to a good friend and colleague who was the worse for wear after a few drinks. I'd also had a few drinks but was totally aware of what was happening.

As I cleaned up my colleagues cut on his face, he grabbed hold of me, and we ended up in a passionate clinch against the door, although it went no further than kissing, even though he wanted more. I am a friend of his wife and would not let it go further.

Anyway, the following day, he emailed to apologise profusely, and was obviously aghast this had happened. No one else knows about the situation..

He now can hardly talk to me, tries not to be in the same room as me etc. I emailed him to say how much I miss his friendship, as we were good friends previously, but he can barely look at me. Its awful, what can I do? I think about him all day long.. I've lost a friend...

Thanks for your advice.
He's been married for 18 years , and actually left his wife when he had an affair 3 years ao, for a month. She took him back and has been wary ever since.

He's been as good as gold over the last 3 years, and neither of us has looked at each other in "that light" before.

He would'nt survive another hit on his marriage, and I have no intentions of doin that to him, but I feel so mixed up and lost without him.

We used to laugh and joke and discuss a wide range of topics.. pick our kids up in turn etc. Now he's doing everything to avoid me...i feel such a sense of loss, and I too cannot look his wife in the eye, even though things did'nt go further.

My husband has huge respect for him too and they are friends... I just wish I could turn the clock back... but why am I feeling more for him than I should now? I never felt that way before about him.

I'm sure it will be ok. Just give him time to get his head around it and then when you next see him, act as if nothing has even happened. If he still doesn't respond, then get hold of him and have a talk about what happened and get it sorted. You can't lose a friend over a drunken kiss.

On the other hand maybe he wants you as more than a friend and is in denial. If he avoids you, then his potential feelings for you should go away.

Good luck

I am sorry to tell you that this does change everything and that if you have respect for him and his wife, you will let it go.

Maybe in time you can be friends again, but as of now you are a potential betrayal.

Stupid mistakes happen and you must not be close unless you want it to go further. Distance is the best thing for you right now.

Spend extra cuddle time with your husband. Family is what matters. He is keeping his distance because it was a mistake.

Let him go.

obviously he feels embarrassment, and perhaps he did have a few too many. leave it alone for awhile, say nothing about it and things will most likely return to normal one he doesn't feel as guilty about it.

Well deserved, you shouldn't have betrayed your "friend" by messing around with her husband, and worse try to continue contact with him afterward.

Oh I was drunk.... we couldn't help ourselves...

Have some self respect.. You want him he wants you.

So you decide what to do but don't make excuses for yourself it shows a lack of character.

If it was me I would be more concerned with hurting my wife than losing a friend.

it sounds to me like he has held a torch for you and let his guard down when he had a few too many drinks.... he sounds embarrassed now but remember that could just be because he doesnt know what you are thinking about that night...have you both discussed what happened......maybe he cannot be near you because he realises he wants more from you and is afraid of what might happen if you are both alone again...

the thing is his wife will notice things are different between the both of you and will automatically think that something is going on or has went on between you both so you really do need to sort it out...explain that to him!!

good luck

What a shame... you're worried about losing a friend, what about worrying about destroying a marriage because of a "stupid" mistake?

Leave the man alone. He has a family. Friends come and go. Whats up with you that you cant leave him alone? Maybe he feels a vib from you he dont like.

It's strange how these so called "accidents" happen...

I wish I could say I feel bad for you, but I don't - I respect my friends and would never allow something like that to occur.

That's not what you are missing. You both have taken this to another level and it looks like he is the one with the good sense to let it go. You on the other hand want to be friends again and he knows that it will lead to trouble. Have you ever thought of him prior to the kiss.? You say that you think about him all day long. You have lost a friend, but think about his wife that suppose to be your friend. I'm glad that you he respect and love his wife enough to walk away from you and your emails. LEAVE THIS MAN ALONE.

I feel for your situation, although I cannot answer..
..Only give my opinion, there's a lot at stake here and a lot of heartache that could be easily avoided..ALTHOUGH, the feelings wont pass until it's outta your system, , u have 2 speak 2 the friend thats involved and work this out, no1 need get hurt this way, I do hope you both can sort this 'hiccup' out..
All the best.x

That is a real burden for you but keep in mind that his record speaks for itself and the mistake was his not yours. I understand your not wanting to further jeapordize his relationship or marriage but look at the guilt that you are shouldering and what it is doing to your life as a result. People make mistakes and things happen but from what I have read, it is affecting you most of all. Stop worrying about his actions and live your life. Do not lie about what happened if asked but give yourself a break and shed the aweful burden you carry for his mistake. Maybe if you unload some of the burden he will be able to also and things will start to mend themselves naturally.