What would you rate my essay?thanks!?

Have you ever heard of the popular expression "Dr. Livingstone I presume"? Dr. David Livingstone was a renowned explorer in Central Africa. Often referred to as a hero, Livingstone greatly aided the poverty stricken Africa, that was overwhelmed with illegitimacy. He had a strong determination and a fierce will power to stabilize the lives of these hopeless and uneducated Africans. He yearned to dramatically change Africa and redirect its path of development. Livingstone did so by introducing ideas of civilization, religion awareness, and commerce. Furthermore, he discovered the unseen parts of Africa, helping to fill the blank map of this impoverished country with "darkness". At that time, he was greatly revered by the Africans because of the various changes he implemented in their country. Moreover, Livingstone desired to contribute to Africa in multiple aspects, such as exploring their resources, working as a missionary, and serving as physician to aid their people.

First of all, Livingstone decided to work as a missionary in Africa. He wanted to abolish slavery permanently and argued that there were much more profitable ways of exploiting the continent. In 1856, he returned to England for a few years, and during this time he published books about Christianity which created a public debate about the moral issue of the slave trade. At the same time that slavery was taken for granted, he condemned the slave trade, and alerted his countrymen of the abhorrent practice. He hoped to abolish the same slave trade by opening Africa to Christian commerce and missionary statues.

Secondly, he had a desire to explore beneficial resources in the continent. Livingstone started his journey into the regions to find resources and trade routes. While crossing Kalahari Desert in 1849, he discovered Lake Nigami. In 1851, accompanied by his wife and children, he discovered the Zambezi River. Retracing his journey to the Zambezi, Livingstone followed the river to its mouth in the Indian Ocean. In doing this, he discovered the Victoria falls. His explorations helped many Africans in the way of trading, traveling, and finding natural resources. In doing this, he realized his dream to open the continent for traders and missionaries.

Finally, after revising and finishing all of his major tasks, he wanted to serve as a physician. Dr.Livingstone fought malaria constantly resulting in him being the first known person to use the thermometer to measure body temperature. He discovered the use of Canaan in the treatment of malaria. Thus, Livingstone saved many lives. Furthermore, he provided health care to people who didn't have access to it. He established hospitals, clinics, and health care organizations for poor people.

As you can see, Livingstone's hard work and generosity prompted a considerable degree of change in the lives of Africans. Furthermore, his influence played a vital role in the development of the country. Because of this, he has earned himself a reputation as a great humanitarian which serves to maintain his legacy among Africans.

its gooodd.. i would just use softer transitions from paragraph to paragraph.. like stick with firstly, secondly, thirdly.. or write like furthermore, thus, or somethign like thatttt !