Need advice from someone who has dealt with a patient or friend with HIV?

My niece who is 22 recently moved into an apartment I have in the basement of my home. I have a 7 year old daughter and a 10 year old step-son in the house also. My niece who has an 18 month old and is 3 mos pregnant just found out she is HIV positive. My question is: are me and my kids at risk? Should I be upset if she does not tell me? She does not know that I know and I think that she should inform me, for the well-being of my family. Also, if my daughter takes a bath in the same tub that she does, can my daughter get this?

Help me with some info and advise please, I dont know what to do and I am extremely worried and just need help on how to handle this situation. Also- she is $350 behind on rent and I can't afford to support this girl and I dont know what to do especially since she was just diagnosed with this. Before we found this out, I was going to evict her and now I don't know what to do- I am at a point financially that I am behind on bills b/c she hasnt been paying. PLEASE HELP

I guess my real question is: are my kids or myself or my husband in danger because of this? She was a stripper/ prostitute about 6 mos. ago. I dont want to risk shortening my kids' life because of a mistake SHE made. I also dont want to throw her out the day after she finds all of this out. She does not respect my household rules (eating only at the kitchen table, cleaning up after your self, etc.) Just this morning, I had to take 2 30 GALLON trash bags full of $hitty diapers out to the street to have the trash man pick them up- I am at my wit's end, I work full time, she sits at home ALL DAY and can't even help clean up after herself. When they moved in, my household at the time was 4 people, now it is 7 almost 8 and I can't possibly support and clean after all these people and hold my full time job AND be a mother..... please help me!

I dont want to evict her, but I can't support her and her child and her fiancee and this child on the way. It has come to a point that it is affecting my kids because I no longer have the money to do activities with them and I am really struggling to make ends meet. Please don't judge me in this situation, I was trying to help them out but it has come to a point that it is hurting me and my kids. I personally dont think that it is fair to tell my kids "no, we can't do the things together that we used to do because I dont have the money" when the reality of it is that if they were paying their rent like they are supposed to, I would be able to do that still.

And yes, her father should take care of her but she has screwed everyone over so much in the past (including me) that they dont want to help her out anymore.

Last time I let her stay with me, she was working at a strip club and I was taking care of her son. He was so sick once that he couldnt even breathe due to the congestion in his chest and she didn't even come home after work. I had to find a sitter at 6am just so that I could go to work. She showed up 3 days later.

thanks so much for the two that answered. I am really freaked out bc someone in my house DID use my razor about a month ago (I know this bc I shave EVERYDAY and the razor had long hairs in it) I threw it away immediately bc I think that using someone else's personal hygiene products is gross and I have had the same partner for 7 years and I have been tested myself for ALL std's 18 months ago and so did my husband. So, I am really worried. They haven't gotten the test back for her 18 month old yet, so we don't know about him. I just feel really awful but I can't continue being broke but I care about her son and I dont want him put in a situation where he is at risk and I cant take care of him myself or else I would offer. I am in tears over all of this and I can't even do my job at work right now cause I'm so torn.

I guess no good deed goes unpunished

Well, there are two issues here...
1.- HIV. You can not get HIV from everyday contact, only with blood-to-blood contact or sexual, or sharing needles (none of which is your case), so don't worry about that. Even the razor thing is of no risk, HIV virus lives only a few seconds in the air or any other surface.
I do agree, she should tell you, but maybe she's quite afraid you might kick her out, or discriminate her somehow; or maybe she's still in denial about it. Besides, well, it's a patient's right not to tell :(

2.- She being a irresponsible abusive person. I see that she can do you more harm with the money things than the HIV.
If she's giving you so much trouble, then you should ask her to leave, and this wouldn't have anything to do with her HIV status. It is true that people should never be discriminated or abused for being HIV+, but being HIV+ doesn't mean you have to agree to do anything they want!

Why don't you talk to her, tell her that you're in the best willing to help her out, do anything you can, but that she has to participate in the household affairs (money, house activities, cleaning), and has to take care of her kids too!!! (btw, you even support her fiancee??), tell her you just can afford the time or the money to have her just sitting there, and if she doesn't do anything, you won't be able to keep her living with you (as much as it is your desire to help her out), also mention that you both need to be very honest to eachother about everything, since you're now sharing a home, and you're family

thanks to everyone, I asked them to leave this past weekend. My house is now drama-free! Report Abuse

Fist and most important for you and your family, there is no risk for any of you. The only way people become infected with HIV is unprotected sex and sharing needles for IV drug use.

As for your niece, I would encourage her to go to social services. They could help with the rent and help with the 18 month old. Your niece needs to be under medical care, there are ways to prevent the baby from becoming HIV+ and if your niece takes GOOD care of herself she can live a normal life. This means no drugs, taking her meds, eating properly and plenty of rest.

I understand your concerns, but thank you for getting information, first for the safety of you and your family, but also with your concerns you show you care as well. It's not easy.

maybe you should try getting temporary custody of the kid she has now, make her go to parenting and HIV classes and it wouldnt hurt if you went also to the HIV classes to better knowledge yourself also...she is old enough to know better then to mooch off someone and not follow the house rules...as for evicting her, she can always go to a womans shelter until she has the baby and they can help her get a job and job skills. good luck !

Ok, first of all, no you are not at risk. HIV/AIDS is harder to get than you think, and it is most contagious through sharing needles with someone, even more than it is spread through unprotected sex. The fact that the HIV virus can't live outside of the body for more than a couple minutes puts you and your family at an even lesser risk. Just don't use her razors, plain and simple, that's really the only thing you'd have to worry about, obviously since nobody in your home is going to be having sexual relations with her.

Now about her living with you, aside from the fact that she has HIV, I know you'd feel guilty throwing her out, but she did make her own bed and now she has to sleep in it. She had a very high risk job and got what many strippers get, it's a shame for the baby but maybe you can talk to her and tell her how you feel, but don't make her feel like she's a walking disease, because you really don't have a reason to be at risk of catching that. It's surprising that the baby didn't get it, but either way, if she refuses to pay her own way, call Social Services on her.

First of all, do not worry about her HIV status. HIV cannot be contracted through casual contact, so sharing dishes, hugging, sharing a bathroom, etc., are all safe. HIV is transmitted sexually or bloodborne, and contracting it from blood is also difficult since it cannot pass through intact skin, but must enter through a cut or the mucous membranes (eyes, mouth, or nose).

More of a concern is her not paying rent and not following your house rules. She may have HIV, but she's in the period before developing AIDS when she is still healthy (with treatment she could stay healthy for years to decades). She's capable of taking care of herself, holding down a job, and paying her bills. She isn't doing this, and is taking advantage of you and harming your family financially. And now she wants to bring her fiance into your house?? Time for her to find her own place.