When do you tell a partner you have HIV?

A good friend of mine told me a few months ago that he was HIV positive, I was touched that he choose to share this with me as I know it must be so hard for him. However, he has recently started seeing a guy and he really likes him, however, he has not told him that he is HIV. He said that they have always used a condom when having sex, but I just keep thinking if I was in that situation and I was sleeping with someone that knew they were infected I would want them to tell me BEFORE we ever got close to having sex.

I have never known anyone with HIV before and I just wondered if this was common, especially among gay men.

I'm sure a lot of people will be outraged but I can understand why he's done it, he doesn't want to be on his own.

I would just like to hear peoples' thoughts.

Thanks

I completely understand where your friend is coming from. In my opinion, he should try 2 tell him ASAP or if not, try 2 cut back on the sex until he can tell him. I know exactly how your friend might feel but I don;t know how the other person will react to him. He should try to talk to his lover about HIV, find out what he thinks about the virus. ITs always hard breaking the news but the guy deserves to know. Not only does it protect the guy but it also protects your friend from emotional stress as well as keeping your friend healthy. HIV+ individuals can easily catch diseases from others as the immune systems are not as strong. Hope this helps and let your friend know that he isn't alone!

MY partner told me 2 weeks into our relationship.

It will vary person to person. It is hard to tell someone who is interested in you that you are HIV+, for fear they will walk out on you, but if you wait to long it gets more difficult.

I work for an agency that does a "program" called Healthy Relationships, it all about the stress that is linked to telling people, friends, family first, then friend, then sex partner about a person's HIV status, and if you don't/can't tell use condoms.

There's no excuse for something as serious as that. The risk of giving someone something as serious as HIV, just so he can have sex? How will he feel if that person gets HIV just because he couldn't keep his pants on? Very, very selfish.

condoms are not the answer...someone should tell him immediatly...If n ot and the other person finds out he can be charged with murder because he knew it beforehand...You have some sick friends

All i want to say is it is not totally fair on his partner ..I do understand the fact that he doesnot want to be alone and he is not happy that he is a HIV carrier and he still want to enjoy his life with others. But think of it , did he also really want to get HIV from the beginning. I m sure somone had passed it on him . Ask him how did he feel when he found out that he has HIV positive.. Did he feel angry for the partner who had passed on him withouht telling him ? Or Did he just take a risk having sex knowing his partner had HIV . How did he feel about how he cought that HIV .. Please comfront him to tell his partner bc he should not let his partner to be in the situation where he was in . Tell him Dont let it happen to others that happened to him . He could be sent to jail if his partner finds out he has HIV and didnt disclose the information before.

Any website will tell you that there are three really bad times to tell your partner that you have a STD.

1. Right when your about to have sex.
2. After you have sex.
3. When you first meet.

None of these are good times and should be avoided.

On a more serious note, he needs to tell his partner and tell his partner right away. While I do not agree with people's attitudes toward HIV infected people, I believe they deserve love as well, his partner has a right to make a choice as well.

Also it is a crime in most states to not tell your partner you have a STD and then infect them with it, intentionally or not intentionally.

This is a serious matter and should be handled and the partner needs to get tested and have the chance to make his own decision.

I hope this helps

-Dan
EMT

I think it's completely understandable that he hasn't told his sexual partner; there are stll huge stigmas and misconceptions about HIV, and with using condoms and other careful measures there's very little chance of infecting his partner.

But his partner should be aware there is some risk, however slight. What's he going to do if the condom breaks? Or if they get drunk and forget?

I suspect it's likely to cause far more problems for him to find out after they've already had sex than some slight problems they can work through if he'd told him before they'd engaged in any sexual activity.

You're obviously very supportive of your friend; maybe you could discuss it with them and explain your concerns that while they are using condoms and are obviously trying their best to be as careful as possble, it's their responsibility and only fair of them to let their sexual partner know what they're letting themselves in for.