Any Christian women gone thru this sour marriage experience?
I'm 33 yrs. old, married for 7 yrs. and have a 6 yr.old girl. My husband and I are both Christian people, we believe in the Word of God and have been active in church. My world was turned upside down last Aug. after my husband admitted to me he called an escort off of the internet and had sex. He was concerned that he caught something and felt guilty and told me. We both got tested for HIV/STD all came back negative. The next day I took off w/ our daughter and moved in w/ my parents. He begged, cried, and asked for forgiveness for the next 3 months.after that. I was sooo angry,I even saw a divorce lawyer. He then stopped fighting, realized I didn't want to fix this marriage and he began to hang out w/ his brother and go to clubs and even began to talk to other women...younger than us...we are the same age. He then came back around, wanting to return, slowly I have been talking again to him and my daughter is extremely close w/ him...the separation has hurt her a bit. This breaks my heart. He wants us to start again and move back together. (We lost a house to foreclosure prior to that and were living w/ his in laws...that's why I took off!) He wants to get an apartment. I have very mixed feelings about this. As a Christian woman, were do I begin applying what the word of God says about forgiveness? That's my conflict. He says he's sorry but I don't trust him anymore! He put my life in danger...almost gave me a death sentence! I live in Florida and I was very discouraged by what my attorney told me...the laws here are sooo different from the other states. Bottom line, the courts don't care what I accuse him of, what they keep their eyes on is on the well being of the child and is shared custody. I wanted to move to Puerto Rico and my attorney told me my husband would have to consent to this. I was sooo mad. I am very angry, I feel as if my feelings haven't been taken into consideration, I don't want to be that wife that puts up w/ junk from her man, I want to take off, but my daughter is soo close to him, and I can't fully leave if I do divorce him. How as a Christian do I get over this? The wound in my heart is soo open and hurting. I don't think I will be happy back w/ him. Yet, there's people from the church telling me to patch things up and forgive him. I'm soo confused...
First of all, he did NOT "almost gave [you] a death sentence!" He would have if *he* came up HIV-positive, but *you* didn't. Short of that, though, all he did was put you both at risk. That's bad, but only a distant danger.
The courts try to keep a balance between what the 'emotionally charged' divorcing parents need, want and are responsible for. They do this to try to minimize further emotional damage to the child. the basic assertion is that the child has a right to have a healthy relationship with both parents, regardless of the strain between the parents. There are rights and responsibilities that have to be taken into account, and this goes back to that balance.
Forgiving your husband does not necessarily mean taking him back. You can forgive him for what he did but still divorce him.
There are excellent Christian counselors who can help you with this. I think you can contact Focus on the Family if you need help with a referral.
You know marriage is Life time commitment. But God also wants you happy. So this is a hard thing. Have you prayed. only God would know your husbands true heart. Whether or not he is really sorry for what he did. I would pray and ask for guidance. If you get a comforting feeling fix your marriage. If you are left confused and scared then there is something wrong. Pray hard and with a sincere heat god will not leave you comfortless. You already know that.
i wouldn't go back to someone if they cheated on me and god doesn't expect u to. u can forgive a person the wrong they did to u, but it doesn't mean u have to go back and live with them. i wouldn't want to go back to a cheater either, and i didn't. florida is a no fault divorce state, but u never know when some judge will grant u sole custody because he did commit adultery, u could say that u don't feel your child is safe with him. u need to get a different attorney because u still have a chance for full custody if u can prove your husband may pose a threat to your child. just because your a christian it doesn't mean u can easily get over being betrayed. and why would u want to forget what he did to u anyway?
Stop worrying about being a Christian. What's that got to do with anything? I don't see that god's done you any favors lately,and your husband sure as hell wasn't following the rules of the church.
The bond of marriage is suppose to provide emotional and financial security for the husband and wife, a stable and secure environment for their children, and reduce the spread of sexually transmitted diseases. Adultery is strictly condemned throughout scripture. Yes as a christian you should forgive your husband but forgiving doesn't not mean you can forget. Forgiving does not mean you have to reconcile your marriage. I understand how close your daughter is to her father but you must remember, unfortunately so very often women learn what to accept, expect and condone in their relationships and marriages from what they saw as they grew up. Think of what is best not just for yourself but your daughter. Fl. laws are a bear when it comes to women but they do concern themselves about what is best for the child. Read Exodus 20:14, Luke 18:18-20 and Matthew 5:27-28 then pray for guidance and follow your gut and heart.
I think that you both need to attend counseling at your church with a pastor. This needs to be done separately before you can work together. If he's still out there looking at and picking up chicks, I wouldn't feel like he is remorseful at all about what he did. On the other hand, it really hurts to have something like this happen to you and this is why I suggest you get counseling. You need to learn how your heart can forgive him for this. Once you've both progressed then the pastor can move you onto couples counseling. Be sure to have the same pastor counsel each of you separately and continue counseling once you begin going together. Best of luck and just keep praying for yourself for strength, patience, and understanding and your husband for a soft heart, remorse, and patience as well.
You probably shouldn't forgive him, but for your daughter's sake you at least have to remain civil with him. Christian or not, once a cheater, always a cheater. Calling an escort up isn't a spur of the moment decision, he researched and thought this out and will do it again when given the chance.
As someone already said, the Bible says adultery is grounds for divorce.
it is not uncommon for Christians to try and encourage you to keep he marriage together because that is exactly what it is good christians using wisdom. yes they should promote forgiveness and reconsiliation to you it would be un christian not to
Hi i feel really sorry for your situation. For all of you. Its sad really. Im not a super religious person but i do go to church and try really hard to be a good person. Its very hard. However, god wants us to live healthy and happy lives. I feel that you forgave your husband you just dont want to be with him anymore and thats okay. Im catholic and cheating is a grounds for an annulment. If you feel that you can no longer trust your husband, i woulndt go back wth him and god wont be upset with you for this. You arent doing anything wrong. You can still forgive your husband but it doesnt mean you have to take him back especially if you have doubts. I personally would be scared and it would take me a longt ime to trust again. You guys can always be friends especially for your daughter. this is the most important thing here. Its not your fault what happened and your husband shoudl of been wiser and not so stupid. How could he do somethihg so low like this int he first place? Christian or non christian you need time to heal and he has to respect this. Maybe years down the road things may work out but peopel never really change. He has poor will power.
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