This has just occurred and I have been trying to understand the basic concept of what my boyfriend told me.
Apparently, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend had HIV and decided to not tell him of her status until she broke up with him in a letter - no big deal - until he told me he messed around with her. Understandably, we are/were teens and we have hormones.
She preformed oral sex on him without protection - more than once. When he finally found out, through a letter she sent him explaining why she was breaking up with him, he didn't get tested. Alright, oral sex is a low to medium risk, but you should get tested.
Unfortunately for me, I did not know this while we were seeing each other - but he did. Never once getting tested.
The whole complete story is: I dated him, he broke up me, he dated her (she also happened to be a friend), she dumps him, he dates me.
but you know what really sucks? He didn't even tell me she had HIV. I know he didn't have to - there's no rule that says he does. I wouldn't have minded if he had gotten tested before we continued our sexual relationship.
I found out form a mutual friend who's boyfriend is friends with the ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.
Why did my dear friend tell me this? Well apparently the ex-girlfriend was bragging about her latest ex-boyfriend to the old ex-boyfriend and the old ex-boyfriend was telling his friend about it who told his girlfriend who told me.
Yes, a lot of he said-she said.
It is the truth, it was written in her letter that my boyfriend kindly kept and showed me.
Well, what I am getting at is: after I found out, the boyfriend was all guilty about not getting tested and how we should never have sex again. we came up with "well get tested and go from there." Alrighty. So I get tested. And happily my results are negative.
So, where's his results?
About a week and a half later he finally goes to the doctor and gets tested. A week and a half later!
After all the fuss about I'm so sorry- I'm so stupid- I put your health at risk, it takes you a week and a half to go tested. You're doctors open everyday! He has emergency appointments available! What took you so long?
I know everyone says, "Oh I love him. I know he didn't mean to." Yeah, that's how I feel too, I honestly do love him, we dated a couple of years and now we've been dating a year. I know it was a long time since he dated her and yes my results were negative therefore his were probably negative and that's what finally pushed him to get tested knowing that he wasn't infected.
I feel completely blind sided. Am I right to feel uneasy? Am I right to feel a little dazed and angry?
I honestly do care about this guy, though this makes me feel like he doesn't care either.
This has been sitting on my chest for a few months now (btw, he's completely forgot about this- understandably). Yes, yes I should talk to him about how I feel. I have- he says everythings alright, neither of us are sick, and that he is sorry. But I still feel like it isn't enough. I know that in reality, it really wasn't his fault- he didn't know she was sick until she broke up with him, but it is his fault for not getting tested. I mean, if he did and it was negative then I wouldn't feel so emotional about it. It's the fact that he didn't get tested. I don't care that his ex-girlfriend has it (I could really careless if she falls off the face of this planet), I care that he decided that it was okay to lollygag around and wait until I found out she had it and after I get tested for him to do so too. Thankfully he's negative too.
I know this will cause me to go to the doctor every so often and ask for a HIV/STD exam/test/thingy/whatever.
Thank you for those who read this and those who offer their advice.
Please no homophobic answers. Ahh this is a hard one. I'm a guy and personally speaking, Guys can be really reserved sometimes. Personally, I would have probably done the same. I believe he is scared of losing you because of what happened in the past with his ex. Take things slowly but keep talking to him and tell him that you love him, if that is how you still feel. |
