I have reached the end of the road!?

I was searching for way of committing suicide the painless way and came across this forum. I, myself have made up my mind that life isn't worth pursuing any further. During the past decade of my marriage and indeed since 1984, I have fought so many battles and I won almost all of them but, I never managed to win the war. That war was to one day have my own family and children like any other normal human being would want to have. It seemed to me that the harder i tried, the more difficult it became.

My problem all along was that in all of my 3 marriages I hastily committed myself to marriage within a 3 to 4 months time frame from the date I met my future wife. however, there was a reason behind that and that is because i was always searching for a niche that I can call home, that I could identify myself with. the reason for that is because I have always been forced to live away from my family, mother, sisters and everyone from the same blood line thanks to the 15 year lebanese civil war.

There always was this missing in my life since I was 15 years old. This is still no the reason why I have decided to end my life. The reason is because the failure of my second marriage has lead to a suicide attempt and eventually because I didn't care about life I became careless and contracted the HIV virus.
in 2000 . I was hospitalized in Thailand in 2000 3 years after i met her and was diagnosed in Sydney 3 months later.

I fought the greatest battle when I returned to Thailand and marry her just and get her emigrate to Australia so that also gets the chance for a better way of life and medical treatment. i fought hard for 3 years with the immigration but I succeeded.

she now has dumped my as preference for money since now she has learned that she can make more money living without me. i told her once that it isn't the virus that is going to kill me but more likely because of her; and here is it, it is happening.

I am living in a golden cage; I can do anything as long as it is within that cage.
life now really is worth living for to me.

A broken, chattered hearted person

This is unbelievable, it is as if you were just waiting there for me. this is a very quick response from many of and thank you so much. what you read there was unfortunately only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my life history. i really have gone thru all counseling one can go to and tied everything that was possible. to no avail. did i mention that my sister passed away last Thursday from motor neuron?
Fred

Please don't give up. You've a better life and opportunity than many people in the world. You can be of help to the other people. I pray for you to be strong and live for yourself.

Please don't give up!

Sounds like life has been cruel to you. I'm hoping that you stop blaming the outside world, and find happiness within.

Whoah!! get yourself some help dude...SERIOUSLY!!! Nothing in life(and I mean nothing) is worth you whackin yourself over. You cause way too much heart ache for those loved ones/friends you have. Its not worth it man, trust me. I'm sure you feel as if your life can't go on and so forth? but it has to.

Fred, hang in there man & please be safe.

HOLD ON.

You need to call a helpline immediatly.

If you are in australia you can call LIFELINE or SALVATION ARMY which have professionals to deal with this.

This forum may not be able to give you the support you need.

Your story is so very sad; I'm really sorry. Never forget you are important as a human being in your own right, no matter what happens to you. And none of us know what is round the next corner.

You really need more help than we can give. Did you know that you can email the Samaritans if you prefer that to talking in person or on the phone? Email address: jo@samaritans.org

god has a reason for you. don't give up, something good will come at the end..if you end your life now, what do think will happen after? atleast now you can still try to prove to yourself that you have a purpose.

i'm sorry you feel that way.
hang in there..***hugs***