My life is in turmoil with many major things to conquer. Facing my problems are surfacing new ones. Help me.?

Basically I have been lost and searching for a peace, sense of being and my place for as far as I can remember. I am a 39 year old male who is now confronting many things that have been suppressing all of my life. Parents divorced at age 5. Father neglected me for one reason or another, but showed interest to my brother 5 years older. My goal has been to be accepted by him and most other relationships throughout my life. I dated girls but had a number of men, both older and my age, come on to me sexually and regardless of my instincts, only focused on that intense need to be liked and acceptanced which in turn, brought me to a worse place. I am now HIV+ and have been so since I was in my early 20's. My problems which I worked on with therapists since 9 yrs.old, were put on hold and focused on my death sentence. 20 yrs later. I live in fear, core therapy 3X a week only to face a pattern of unstable past and present relationships w/ family, partners and friends. I am still lost

You have gone through alot in your life, most than anyone will ever confront in theirs. But although it may not seem it, it has made you stronger. Your emotional instability just comes with the package - for now. Ask yourself why you are in fear. You may still be lost, but your only thirty nine years old. You have more than half your life ahead of you.
Therapy may not be the best answer. I had many problems, some just like you. I went to therapy once or twice, and couldnt deal with it. I found other ways to deal with it. You need to find yours.
You will find your peace. Your sense of being. Just hang in there, trust me.
If you ever need to talk to anyone, talk to a best friend. But a stranger could be the best person to talk to. They have no previous opinions of you, so they cant be objective when giving you advice.
Things are in the past for a reason. Because they have past. And you should keep them in the past. It will take a while for that to happen, but once you do, you will gradually feel better and be fulfilling your life.
Your life will become better. But not until you let the things in your past stay there.
Keep these experiences, learn from them.
I dont know why you had a death sentence, and it is all the more better that you have not told us; for it is not our place to know.
But the fact that you are past that shows that God wants you to live. There is a reason for your living.
Dont be so afraid of life, enjoy it. Life is here to enjoy.
Problems in the past make us stronger.
You are strong, you just dont know it yet.
Listen to your brain, listen to your heart.
You'll soon hear an answer you needed to. And you will learn from it.

Good luck, I wish you all the best and I will pray for you to help find yourself and find your peace you need.

If your father didn't want you, don't dwell on that fact.
It's his loss.

I'm sorry that you are HIV+.

Sort out your problems one by one. You may think they're new ones coming, but there isn't. It's just that feeling of change.
Please try to get passed the fact of your parent's divorce. I know it causes emotional unstableness, but you would be able to live a lot better if you dealt with that memory.

You need som powerful karma solvent. The best I have found is with SGI. It is free and non-judgemental. You can google it.

I am so sorry. I can only really say hang in there. You are HIV+ and right now you can't change that, but you can come to terms with the people in your life. I would suggest going back to a therapist just even once to let it all out. Maybe find a retreat for HIV+ patients. Go to a support group. After you feel confident, I would confront your father or at least talk to him, maybe he couldn't relate to you because you reminded him of a different time period or your mother. I think you should also speak to your brother about all of this, it sounds like you have some resentments against him. You cant change the past but you can be stronger from it and let your family know that they really dropped the ball. Try not to be stressed and don't be alone too long, it will make it worse. Keep as busy as you can, eat healthy and exercise. I'm not an expert, but I hope this helps. =D

I think that your not crazy, just lost. Here is my question, why are you trying to cope with things in the past that you've tried to resolve without any resolution? I know you've had your past, we all have, but don't let the things that don't care about you be a influence inside your daily core. My advice to you sir, go out into the world. Find yourself and just live life for the simple pleasures. I mean were all ticking on a clock, some know it and most don't. But you have had to have some dreams that society or people who weren't encouraging you made you lose along the way. Maybe instead of looking into your entire situation, you should live life as a leaf on a tree. I mean, we all have our skeletons, you know yours which helps you out extremely. Dig deep, and live the rest of your days doing what makes you happy, and not what you want from others to make them accept you. I am lost as well, I often wonder the meaning of life, my past decsisons, my past mistakes. We all live within an hourglass, and tragedy and oppurtunity run concurrently. Find your happiness, and just accept everything for what it is. We tend to fight the inevitable with relationships, and not accept them for what they are. It's the whole out of the box concept, your to wrapped up in it to see it. Let me ask you this, when is the last time you did something for you and just you? Stop worrying about whats in the past, and clean your slate, you deserve it. Do the things that liberate you, as life is always very short. You know what I mean, your 39 right-----doesn't 20 seem like a couple of months ago? Its time to live for you, and move forwards to the things you want to accomplish and experience while on this planet. Let go man, live for yourself for once.

Well i don't know what kind of person you are or what kind of things help you or what you're interested in. But I find for me that exploring my spirituality always helps me. I don't know what religion you are but no matter what you can always explore your beliefs about life and what all of it means. I find that meditating helps me concentrate on life itself rather than the problems your experiencing. Or just do anything that makes you happy. Explore new things to try to put your life before this behind you. Just keep in mind that everything can change after today if you let it. Probably the worst thing you can do is tell yourself that it will keep getting worse and other negative thoughts. Just focus on the present and how much can change now. I don't know how much that will help but i hope things get better for you. Just remember that you have control of the things that happen in your life. What's most important is how you react to things that happen in your life, not the events themselves. Good luck. :]

You need to realize that people in their 40's are the most depressed age on earth even worse than teenagers. You're really close to that age.

It adds to the problems you have so just realize it's temporary I'm 47 so been there done that.

Continue with the therapist for whatever personal issues you're facing, you'll be fine.

Regarding your father, sorry. I grew up watching Brady Bunch with the rest of my generation, it is depressing if that is what your expectations are of your family.

It is not so much that your relationships don't accept you, it's that you don't accept them. You still want that "Brady Bunch" kind of life.

"It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you've got." Sheryl Crow

Relax, and have some fun sometimes instead of sweating things. Didn't your therapist ever tell you to put the things that bother you on a slip of paper; work on them while you can, and when you can't or if it is too overwhelming, to stick that slip of paper in your pocket for another day?

Have some fun with your life sweetie.

((((HUGS))))