This essay should be about the UN's current involvement in a world affair. Does it fulfill the topic? It's for a essay contest.
United Nations: The Chance for Millions
The United Nations (UN), founded in 1945, is a famous international organization that is dedicated to solving the problems that challenge humanity. These problems range on a wide variety of issues. Today, one of the biggest goal on the UN agenda is to eradicate extreme poverty and hunger.
To achieve this goal, the UN has founded the Food and Agriculture Organization (FAO), World Food Program (WFP), and International Fund for Agricultural Development (IFAD). Each is working to fulfill the World Food Summit's aim of eradicating global hunger and poverty: WFP with food aid, FAO through its technical expertise in agriculture, and IFAD via international financial assistance. Increasingly, the three agencies are finding joint solutions to dealing with emergencies and promoting recovery and development. #
Of these agencies, the WFP is the UN鈥檚 frontline agency in food aid. The WFP is the world's largest international food aid organization combating hunger in underdeveloped nations with severe food shortages. The operation aims to saving lives in refugee crises and other emergencies, improve nutrition and quality of life of world's most vulnerable people at critical times in their lives, and enable development by (a) helping people build assets that benefit them directly; (b) promoting the self-reliance of poor people and communities.# The agency also provides the logistics support necessary to get food aid to the right people at the right time and in the right place by land, air, and sea 24/7. The WFP works to put hunger at the center of the international agenda, promoting policies, strategies and operations that directly benefit the poor and hungry.#
The WFP runs emergency and development projects in 78 countries worldwide. In 2006, they distributed food to 87.8 million of the poorest people in the world, including 58.8 million children. Of those, 24.3 million people are in development programs and 63.4 million are beneficiaries in emergency and protracted relief and recovery operations. Since it was founded in 1962, WFP has fed more than 1.4 billion of the world's poorest people and invested more than $30 billion dollars in development and emergency relief.#
The WFP's innovative projects not only put food on the tables of the weakest and poorest: jobless mothers, school children, landless farmers and HIV orphans. They also help the hungry to secure food and an income by themselves so they can break out of the poverty trap and build a sustainable future. The WFP school meals encourage hungry children to attend school with their school feeding formula: food attracts hungry children to school. An education broadens their options, helping to lift them out of poverty. With the WFP's development projects, workers are paid not with money, but with food rations to build vital new infrastructure that will increase the food security of households or communities. The special role of WFP food assistance is to give people the chance to take the first steps out of the hunger trap.#
With the help of the United Nations鈥?World Food Program, millions of people each year are given hope 365 days a year. They are given a chance to live and re-build their lives to support themselves and their families. Most of all, children are given a chance to change their future. "operation aims to saving lives" say aims to save lives
Remove 24/7, it is redundant and a pop catchphrase.
"The WFP's innovative projects not only put food on the tables of the weakest and poorest: jobless mothers, school children, landless farmers and HIV orphans." Remove the words "not only"
remove "365 days a year"
Think about taking the references to the FAO and IFAD out since they are not really what the story is about. There are too many acronyms in that paragraph and it is confusing.
Nice paper. Good writing and research. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
sorry i fell asleep reading that
im sure u get my critique im reading it but the topic seems to broad. can you narrow it any?
you start out talking about something broad...un involvement (in general) in world affairs.......very broad stroked. then you end up talking about nothing except the wfp. change the opening to make it all about the wfp. thats my take It sounds like a UN brochure. It is just a list of facts. I mean you learn alto but it's kinda boring. Try to weave some human touch to it. Some of yourself. Use the great facts and talk like you have to sell it, it's important and you are excited. Hope that helps. Look... Hate to be the bearer of bad news.... Nobody, including your teacher, is going to read the whole thing.
Your teacher, as I just did, will copy and paste the first paragraph in Google and see if you plagerized it, which you did not.
Then you get an A. In the first paragraph:
- I would change 'famous' to something else; it kind of implies celebrity-status or something. Maybe like 'widely-known' or even some synonym for 'important.'
- last sentence: should be 'one of the biggest goals'
Second paragraph:
- You used 'eradicate' in the first paragraph, so you might change it up and use a synonym for the one in this paragraph
-I think instead of 'to dealing with' you should use 'for dealing with'
Third paragraph:
-3rd sentence should read 'the operation aims to save lives'; 'of the world's most vulnerable people'; and I would eliminate the (a) and (b) things and just list them regularly with 'and' between the two
Fourth paragraph:
-last sentence should read '$300 billion in development' (you have the dollar sign there so you don't need the word 'dollar')
Fifth paragraph:
-first sentence should read: 'not only....weakest and poorest, but also jobless mothers, school children....'
-fifth sentence should read: 'build a vital new infrastructure'
-last sentence: you already used the term 'hunger trap' so choose a different way of saying it |
