What to do about a child that is 3 but very unstable and abusive to my son but lives with me.?

My girlfriend and I are living together and we have a son together. before my son came along sh had received custody of her niece for a year in which has now turned to 3 years. We were both unprepared to take on that responsibility but now we deal with it. The problem in that the childs parents are extremely unfit even those her mother has another child who along with herself is HIV positive. The 3 year old is not. Now she is costing me money that i can not afford to spend on things like replacement toilets. And trying trying to hurt my 14 month old son. I personally have no rights to her except that she lives her so i do have to provide a safe environment t for her. but i am loosing my mid trying to tolerate her. She has some obvious Psychological issues but out of fairness i don't want her labeled until its a last resort. and her biological parents dont contribute nothing to help. With that DSS only gives 181 per month as if that is going to help. What am i to do.

I feel bad for all of you because for one, you honestly seem like a caring person who is trying his best. I think you and your girlfriend did an amazing thing by taking on this challenge and caring for this poor girl who had no other good parents.

I am sure that she must have developed a lot of her problems from the way her real mom treated her and the fact that she was taken away from her. I bet she misses her a lot and there is a lot she doesn't understand.

I think you can really help the girl's behavior just by talking to her. Try to listen to her and find out what's bothering her. I know it sounds silly, but kids really need to be listened to and feel like someone understands them. Ask her a lot of questions without telling her she is right or wrong or what to do. Repeat back to her what she has told you to show her you understand and affirm how she feels. Let her get it all out. Ask her if she misses her mom and tell her that you understand why she feels how she feels. Let her know that is an important part of your new family as the big sister and that you all need her and love her very much. Try to figure out if there is anything else bothering her by asking questions. Maybe she is jealous of the baby because she feels pushed aside.

Also, be sure to give her lots of good attention any time you catch her behaving well, using manners or playing quietly. Then, when she acts up, the best you can do is ignore her. No child wants to be ignored and they will usually act the way that gets the most attention.

One more thing, if she makes a mess, let her clean it up. Hand her a towel if she spills. If she breaks something, let her try to "fix" it. And you will definitely have to put all the other breakables away no. May as well since you have a baby now.

get her a counselor and keep your sn out of her reach till things calm down.

What's more important--getting her the help she needs or having her labeled? If she were getting help, she wouldn't be as bothersome...just a thought...and if you are unprepared and unable to care for her, then she needs to be given up to someone who can.

how about some good old fashioned corporal punishment. Spare the rod spoil the child. You can punish a child plenty as long as you temper it with equal or greater amounts of love. Good luck

Get her to a DR. My step-son was VERY bad and used to try to abuse his family and he would break everything and tourture the animals, he was so bad that we could never leave him alone and sadly we used to dread when he would come over sometimes. I finally put my foot down and my husband had a talk with his mom and they got him to a psychologist and now he is on medication and is wonderful to be around. You also need to put yourself in the child's place for a minute, she has lived her life with horrible parents and probably didn't have rules or was abused physically or mentally and that does not get fixed the minute she goes and lives in a new house. Also, don't use the dr as a last resort because they will be able to give you ideas on how to handle her based on the life she has had so far.

How dare you speak about a three year old child as if it were a dog!!The child obviously needs help...and love..I am sorry but i think you need to take alook in the mirror and see if you are fit enough to care for this child..If you cant treat her as one of your own then she should be fostered to someone who will..

I would probably look into medication