Should I feel bad about telling my sister-in-law in front of her 11 yr old son that I'm going to date an HIV+?

When my sister-in-law suggested, in the car in front of her 11 yr old son, that people in the housing estate like to know everthing about everybody especially me because I seem to be mysteriously single, I replied, "Ok, well wait till they find out I'm going to be dating an HIV + girl, from a darker race, who is living positively!" She was shocked and hurt. Should I feel bad? Was it wrong to say such things in front of 11 yr olds in a country where the HIV rate is as high as 30%? Shouldn't children know about these things?

No you weren't wrong, because that child had to learn about HIV one day. You also wasn't wrong for telling her about you dating someone HIV+. There is nothing wrong with that. It's not your fault that that person has HIV. So don't blame yourself because you spoke up for yourself. She is the one who brought up the subject of dating . The only thing you did was tell her you are dating and the truth. If she didn't want to hear the truth she shouldn't have said anything. So sorry for her if she didn't want her and her son to hear about that. Good luck with your relationship. I hope I Have helped you in any way. If you ever need anymore help contact me at just1jamese@yahoo.com or d1rosetownchick@yahoo.com.

the child didn't need to know.

No you are not wrong, what what better way to teach the next generation compassion tolerance and understanding.

why would you want to date someone with hiv??

Well on the one hand, it could have opened up a positive dialogue between her and her child. On the other hand, maybe it wasn't your place to bring it up. Yes, I think 11-year-olds should be exposed to information about HIV and AIDS. BUT, I think it is the parent's responsibility to have that conversation. You put your SIL in an akward position. I would apologize and move on...not the end of the world and not worth ruining a family relationship over.

Are you serious?

Catch a CLUE!

The MOM determines what and when they tell their child anything.

Don't quote statistics... You were DEAD WRONG.

Now about you... WHY would you get involved in a relationship with an HIV possitive person? That's the REAL Question here.

Good freaking Grief.

it wasn't necessary for you to say that infornt of the child. however, don't feel bad if you find an interest in this girl. but be careful by being with her. as long as you guys don't have any sexual contact, you'll be okay. i agree that kids should know things like that but maybe he should be taught these things when he is 13.

u don have to feel bad, but there is nothing wrong by finding out why she so upset, ask her and tell her u're sorry (hope u mean it).
about the 11-yr old son, i think these days a lot of kids already know about those kinda stuffs so it's a good idea to explain if he noticed or asked bout it, but sometimes they don care so won't be a big deal.

I think even now children should be informed on the dangers of sex. But a child shouldn't maybe know that you are dating someone with HIV. If this child is your nephew or whatever. It may scare them, that who knows maybe you're going to eventually end up dead. That would be the big scare for me.

Plus it is the mother's job to do the talking about that stuff. I would have told her in private. That would have been the best thing to do. So yeah you were wrong in that area.

Tolerance is something many people lack, and all children must learn. Prejudice is nurture, not nature, and you are showing that child that it is ok to be friends with someone who has a disease. Way to go! You should also re-iterate the need for protection, and the proper steps in helping someone who may be HIV+ should they be bleeding. I cannot express how proud I am that you have not written this woman off on the wall. Many people already have, and that is cruel. Your sister-in-law is obviously harboring certain fears, which she will pass on to your nephew, so it is important that you explain to him the need for understanding and love, or he will sense his mother's vibes toward your gf, and share them. I don't think you've done anything wrong, but you should always try to explain things to children when the concepts are a gray area and people have strong opinions. It is important for children to learn every option and make their own mind up from those choices.

they should...but the way you have said it... trying to imagine myself at thyat age it would have given me quite a lot of stress...because it is something uncommon and things like that seem scary at that age. it should be revealed more gradually and background on all these problems should be exposed to the child before. you see, when the fact comes before a certain amount of information, a child may imagine horrible things. Like, if he's not aware of HIV, the ways its transmissed etc, he might make up his own versions. At the age of 12 I was watching some Tv series and in one episode a woman was very worried because she said she had something hard and round in her breast. She said it signified that she has cancer. 12 is the age of girls' puberty. My brests were growing at that time, and when that happens, they start to develop on a basis of something round and hard as that appears in our chests ( I still don' t know what that is). I was terrified to death, I was sure i had cancer. I suffered for abour 2 months, and the woman in the film was fighting for her life. It was horrible. It was until I started to talk about this to my friend who was also going through this, and we ened up laughing, that we cannot be both with cancer. Her mom was a doctor and her explications made it all easier. But now thinking of your nephew, I imagine that if he lacks info, he might make up something like: that HIV is just as sticky as flu, and that being a part of your family, he' s under great risk to be infected. That you will get it from this girl by just sitting next to her and he will get it from you afterwards. I mean, now that he knows the fact, you should make sure he knows, how harmless it is for him. Just for the peace of his mind, which is full of many other stressy things at that age ;) You can make it right, just talk to him :)

It really doesn't matter if you ask me. My parents said many things in front of me and i turned out to be a respectful woman. My parents just taught me right from wrong. People make snauty comments and you can't change it. If he is 11 years old i am pretty sure he has said worse himself. I can almost guarantee it. Mt brother is 10 and well he hears and says alot of things from school. It's nothing new.

Yes, you're right. Children need to know about the realities of Life and HIV.

Too many parents "protect" their children from such realities by pretending they doesn't exist.

However, the way you threw it out there like that was very harsh. You sounded angry because you were probably feeling a little defensive and indignant at that moment.

That wasn't the propper way for an 11 year-old to learn about HIV. You should feel a LITTLE guilty.

children need to know if u don't tell them who will ?

I say don't feel bad!!!!!!!!! children need to know these things, it's not like it's the end of the waorld.So don't worry about it

You shouldn't feel bad TELLING about it, but you should feel bad that all you have to do is kiss him and you can contract the disease.

The child didn't need to know, but there is also a chance that he doesn't know what HIV is. I doubt they talk about it in school. Now, he is going to question his mother about it, and his mother shouldn't have to deal with the question at his age. I think you should feel very bad. What you said was wrong!

The kid's 11 right? I doubt he was even listening. Especially if yall had passed a McDonalds any time prior to the converstaion since the only thing that was on his mind was most likely a Happy Meal.