It's a fact of life - there's a lot of stigma attached to an HIV diagnosis.  Many people are afraid of becoming infected through normal "social" contact - they don't know enough to realise that what they are thinking is rubbish. 

Your background or culture might also play a part in making it more difficult to tell other people that you are HIV positive.

Who you tell, and how, can take a bit of thinking through. Telling close friends and family can provide enormous relief and support, but it can also cause problems. Do people really need to know? Do they need to know immediately?

Be careful who you tell, don't rush off and tell everyone straight away - you might regret telling them later. Do they really have to know? If so, do they have to know now, or can you leave it till later? But sharing the news of your positive status with the right people can strengthen personal relationships and help you feel less isolated.

Some people find that being totally open about their status, (never mind sexuality or drug use!) gives them great strength and lifts the burden of secrecy. Other people tell no one, but could be missing opportunities for support and care that disclosure might bring.

If you feel like just talking to someone , many people affected by HIV and AIDS are helped and supported by counselling sessions. AIDS organisations, telephone helplines

Who you tell and how you tell them will take a bit of thinking through. 

Who needs to know ?

Probably the first thing that someone you tell will think about is how you got infected. If they're kind enough not to actually ask, be careful that they aren't making assumptions about you. For example, a positive heterosexual man will automatically assumed by many to be gay.

Talk to people you can trust, but try to make sure they will respect your need and right to confidentiality on this issue. Try to make sure whoever you discuss it with is sympathetic to your viewpoint, someone who won't judge you on your lifestyle, sexuality or being HIV positive.

This might be difficult, and though you think you know who your friends are, telling others about this might either confirm or damage personal relationships.

If you are gay, telling others about your status is like "coming out" all over again. But if you haven't come out as gay, the extra news of HIV might be too much for whoever you tell to cope with. Drug users might have similar problems admitting to both drug use and HIV infection.

Are you prepared to deal with the concerns of people you tell; their panic, their tears on top of any problems you might be having with your status at the moment?es, and many hospitals offer access to confidential and non-judgemental counselling

Partner

Just as your HIV positive result was possibly a big event to happen in your life, if you're in a relationship the news will also have an impact on your partner. Consider the highly emotional aspects of revealing your status and, if possible, avoid the "heat of the moment" to reveal all. No two relationships are the same, so it's difficult to give advice in this situation.

If you're going to tell, don't delay it for too long. If they are negative, or untested, they might resent you keeping it to yourself, adding unnecessary worry about any risk of infection they might have been in. Of course, if you discussed the issue before you were tested, talking through the result might be easier.

Previous partners

You'll probably need a lot of time to work this one through. Whether you tell depends on lots of things including whether you're still involved with them now, what they know about HIV, whether they're HIV positive or not themselves (and how do you find out?), and whether they need to know, perhaps because you had unsafe sex with them before you knew your status. How will either of you deal with worrying about who gave whom what?

Children

If you have children, you may have additional concerns about whether to tell them your diagnosis and whether they need to be tested too. Parents may well need to talk to someone with experience in this area - your clinic or local AIDS service organisation, or other parents with HIV might be able to help.

Friends

Disclosure could be where you find out who your friends really are. Carefully deciding who to tell might teach you how to deal with telling others. Common reactions are: shock, pity, disbelief, helplessness, or endless questions. Some people may decide they don't want to know or see you any more. But your real friends will carry on as before, liking and loving you for who you are, supporting you through any problems you have. Remember, being HIV positive does not stop you from being the person you were before you knew your test result.

Family

No two families are the same either. If your immediate family are supportive and loving, your news will bring them anxiety and pain, but could also strengthen your relationship. The alternative is that some members of your family will shun you. If you're gay don't assume your family don't know if you haven't come out to them. They may have chosen to ignore "that part of your life", perhaps inventing their own excuses. Not telling parents could eventually make them even more upset. You know your family better than anyone else, it might be a gamble, but it's your decision.

Your culture may make it impossible to discuss HIV with your family and friends. There are many organisations and helplines who may be able to put you in touch with other people in a similar situation to you who might be able to offer support or listen to your concerns.

Employer

Unless you are in a medical or health related profession, there is no need to tell your employer.  If you need to take time off sick, there is no need for your doctor to mention your status on medical certificates.  But if you take a lot of sick leave, the firm's doctor or your manager might start asking questions.

Many large companies have policies on HIV and AIDS firmly based on the reality that you won't put anyone at risk through ordinary social contact. However. asking your employer directly about their policy might lead to assumptions or an unwanted disclosure of your status - you might be able to get a friend or an HIV organisation to ask on your behalf.

Consider telling your employer carefully.  The news might mean you lose your job quicker than you thought no matter what the legal position is. Alternatively, there are employers who positively welcome people living (and working) with the virus.  Work out where you and your employer are with this one and take it from there.  If necessary, say nothing until you have to.